Shop soiled

THE surreally duff start to the SNP’s local election campaign has sparked a meme. The Nats blazed a trail last week by holding their first event in a shop so pokey that the media were automatically excluded - leading to lots of headlines about a news blackout. In response, the Tories issued a press notice saying Douglas Ross would be “happy to answer questions from the print journalists that Nicola Sturgeon is avoiding”. The Scottish Liberal Democrats then joined in, saying “unlike the First Minister, Alex Cole-Hamilton will be available for a media huddle, broadcast interviews and pictures”. Watch those claws, Alex!

Dram shame

Actually, Mr Cole-Hamilton spoke too soon. His boast concerned his party’s manifesto launch on Wednesday, which was due to take place at the Glenmorangie offices in Edinburgh. But with less than an hour to go, whisky bosses pulled the plug, as they feared too many reporters would turn up. ACH and party activists were thus forced to scramble over nearby Calton Hill for a photo-op instead - and only three print hacks showed up. It was especially gutting for party spindoctor Max Sefton, a monumental whisky bore, who had been swooning at the thought of squaring up a dram in the line of duty. 

How Ork-ward 

Still, as incompetence goes, it’s small beer compared to the Scottish Conservatives. Our mole in the Northern Isles reports that leaflets from Douglas Ross’s mob have been dropping through letterboxes in Orkney this week. They urge punters to vote Tory “to get the focus back onto the local issues that really matter”. Er, a little local focus would have told them they’re aren’t any Tory candidates in Orkney, only Independents and Scottish Greens. D’oh.

Blank expression

Don't fret. It’s not just the council elections that bring out the dafties. The Guido Fawkes website this week carried a gem about East Kilbride SNP MP Lisa Cameron. After a photoshoot to promote World Parkinson’s Day, she posted a snap of herself on Twitter, but didn't edit the suggested text for dummies. So she declared: “MP for [insert constituency] shows [his/her/their] support on #WorldParkinson’s Day 2022.” Sadly, if not surprisingly, her immortal words have since been deleted. 

Motor mouth

ALSO active on Twitter has been SNP health secretary Humza Yousaf, who promoted a series of posts from colleagues saying Boris Johnson must go over partygate, such as John Swinney’s demand that “we need to punish the Tories for double standards”. Mr Yousaf might know a bit about those. In 2017, he was fined £300 and got six points on his licence for driving a friend’s car without insurance. He was transport minister at the time. But it was all an “honest mistake”, not double standards, so his resignation was out of the question. Fancy that.

Socialist media

TALKING of jobs, the Holyrood Labour Group is advertising a tough one just now. The new Digital Communications Officer will be required to shove Richard Leonard and other sepia-tinted MSPs into the future. The new hire must ensure “all MSPs have online profiles on the main social media platforms: Twitters, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok.” Unspun reckons just one Labour MSP has a TikTok (full marks to Mercedes Villalba), while the Anas Sarwar accounts are all parodies. Mind you some say the party’s been a self-parody for years.