Sick behaviour
THE working world is a thing of the past, replaced by the shirking world.
At least that’s the opinion of reader Phil Greig, who manages a warehouse on the outskirts of Glasgow. On Monday a young employee failed to turn up for his shift, instead phoning in and describing the terrible ailment which prevented him from executing his duties.
Or rather that is what a bloke in his position would have done a few years ago.
Nowadays that sort of diligence is too much hassle.
So, instead, he texted Phil a sad-face emoji, along with the succinct text message: “Cannae make it the day.”
Says Phil: “When I was younger, I’d have had the courtesy to invent a whopping great fib to explain why I was taking a sickie.”
Winging it
THE devout Diary is contemplating theological matters.
Alex Gibbs gets in touch to ask: “In these modern times, do angels still have wings? Or have they updated, and now sport propellers or a jetpack”
Mind your language
COLLEGE lecturer Raymond Johnson used to teach an evening course in creative writing which was largely attended by pensioners.
One of the elderly scribblers wrote a poem where he admitted that he was "disgruntified" with life.
Raymond pointed to the page where this curious word lurked, and said to the chap who wrote it: “Do you mean disgruntled?”
The petulant poet replied: “Ah know whit Ah mean, sonny.”
Novel perception
ARTS-LVING Tim Milton tells us he enjoys attending the theatre, listening to music and watching films and TV.
Though he’s not so impressed by novels.
“Admit it,” he says, “books are just dead tattooed trees.”
Light-fingered thief
THE games people play.
Paul Lewis was with chums in the local boozer, and they were entertaining themselves by each imagining being a daring yet compassionate cat-burglar, who had taken a vow to only rob items that would mildly inconvenience his victims.
Says Paul: “My friend Bill won the competition by deciding that he would nick the refrigerator lightbulb.”
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Wi d’you come?
SITTING in a Glasgow café, reader Barbara Johnson noticed a woman enter the establishment, immediately plonk her laptop on a table, then ask a worker cleaning up nearby for the Wi-Fi password.
The worker replied: “That’s easy to remember. It’s buy-a-coffee-or-leave.”
Boozy badinage
FURIOUS reader Ken McConnell says: “I’m sick and tired of my friends not being able to handle their drink. At the weekend they dropped me twice while carrying me home from the pub.”
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