Our verdict - three stars

For the 20th anniversary of the MTV Europe Music Awards you'd think they'd pull out all the stops, the big names. Instead they pull out all the apologies: Miley Cyrus was sorry not to make it, One Direction were sorry, Katy Perry was so sorry she didn't know which way was up.

Best Song With A Message was won by Beyonce for Pretty Hurts, beating Arade Fire's We Exist. Beyonce couldn't make it and neither could Justin Beiber, who won Best Male.

Those who could make it - Enrique Iglesias, Ariana Grande, Charlie XCX, Alicia Keys and Slash - all put a shift in.

Ms Keys, heavily pregnant, was the only lady of the night to keep her clothes on.

For the rest it was energetic dancing, pyrotechnics and grinding.

Apart from U2, fortunately. No one needs to see Bono grinding.

Nicki Minaj's Anaconda was matched only by Enrique Iglesias' snake hips.

Ed Sheeren proved a huge hit, or at least was hugely hyped.

He did a very good job and was among the most low key performances of the evening.

It was all simulataneously tacky and tame.

One quite wished for Miley Cyrus to appear live (she played via pre-recorded video) and, as in Amsterdam last year, be spanked by a dwarf.

Just so there'd be something to tweet home about.

David Hasselhoff wore a kilt and Minaj pretended to care about Scotland.

There was golf, a traffic cone and one of the boys from Biffy Clyro made a token appearance with Slash.

From the security at the venue and the levels of hyperbole you'd think Michael Jackson had risen and returned to play.

As it was, it was glitz, guts and pop names who may not be household in another 20 years time.

All fine stuff but just no more than fine.