:: "I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'The man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds."
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:: "I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor."
:: "People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made."
:: "I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die, they will donate my body to Tupperware."
:: "I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My make-up team is nominated for best special effects.'"
:: "When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off."
:: "You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it."
:: "At my age, an affair of the heart is a bypass."
:: "Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress."
:: "My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, 'Pick up, I know you're there'."