Stairway to heaven or highway to hell?
Regardless of which route tonight's soon-to-be-married couple take, the bad rock puns come thick and fast in this episode of the BBC's nuptial-preparations-as-car-crash-telly reality TV series, now screening on BBC One even though its spiritual home is still very much BBC Three.
Tonight we meet rock-loving Stephen Henderson and his fiancé, Nicki Abraham, who met as teenagers on Manchester's early-1990s grunge scene and who, two kids and one 40th birthday later, have decided to tie the knot.
They've been engaged for 15 years but, as Stephen wryly observes, it's hard to justify squireling money away for a wedding when there are children needing shoes and clothes and a mortgage to pay. But now they have a £14,000 kitty and that long-awaited wedding is finally on the cards.
Unfortunately where venues are concerned, Nicki has her heart set on Downton Abbey-style splendour. "I want a beautiful stately home with beautiful grounds, all under one roof where it's safe for the kids to play," she says. Joined by her mum, her sister and her best friend she goes on a fantasy scouting trip to one such venue: Thornton Manor in Cheshire. Is that what she'll get?
Er, no. Eternal rocker Stephen has something completely different in mind: a Guns'N'Roses-themed wedding complete with live band, inspired by the video to the American band's epic rock ballad, November Rain. Oh, and he's planning on surprising his bride-to-be with his'n'hers tattoos into the bargain. So instead of rural Cheshire see him heading into central Manchester seeking the perfect venue - not that he bothers actually looking inside when he does find it.
"I feel like I've got three children rather two because Stephen's like a big kid," says Nicki. "He's like Peter Pan, the boy who never grew up". Ominous words, though in fairness to Stephen Nicki has never actually told him one very pertinent fact: that she hates grunge music and only ever pretended to like it so she could go out with him. She's more of Kylie girl.
Meanwhile Stephen has moved out of the family home to organise the wedding with £14,000 burning a hole in his pocket - and one or two strolls down memory lane to take before he finally says "I do."
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