The final part of Re-inventing The Royals (BBC2) was on tonight and was monstrously tedious.

I had been looking forward to this series, hoping for some sparky controversy. It was due to be broadcast last year but the BBC were forced to pull it off the schedule because batty old Charles was apparently offended by it. I was all ears! What precious nuggets of treachery and scandal does this programme contain? I couldn't wait to see it. With Wolf Hall sadly having ended, this documentary could perhaps offer a hint of the treason and intrigue which will now be missing from TV.

No such luck. It was boring, and the only revelation it offered was that Einstein was right: time is relative, because the 60 minutes of this programme seemed to stretch out into bland eons of time, never-ending.

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I see now why the scruffy tabloids are so obsessed with the Royal Family's babies, dresses and sucked toes. It's because there really is nothing else notable about these inbred, toothy galoots.

We're told the Royal Family have 'influence but no purpose'. Neither do they have any political power. This means they depend upon popularity to keep the monarchy in place. So, although the Royals may despise the media and its intrusions, they need it in order to manipulate, promote and extend their popularity, without which they could no longer go on claiming benefits.

This programme examined the fraught relationship between the Royals and the media and there was the usual moaning about the poor, darling princes and how they've never been allowed a normal childhood. You could also argue that children living in damp council houses where the wallpaper sags onto the carpet in spongy strips aren't granted a 'normal childhood' either, but who cares about the unattractive children of the poor? Let's look at the young, golden princes.

Prince Harry, although less golden than his brother, perhaps being more the shade of a humiliated satsuma, complained that he 'can't move an inch' without someone snapping his picture and judging him.

And cranky Charles is also subject to unbearable scrutiny, finding he can't call the Chinese 'appalling old waxworks' without the damn papers finding out and telling everyone. It's just not cricket! His old Dad seems to get away with it, so why not him? Life's clearly unfair when you're royal.

Get a job, then. If you want to bounce around in Las Vegas in a pool full of naked birds without it being in the papers, get a job. If you want to go on a gap year to Chile without having to take ITN along, then get a job. If you want to marry a wizened old dear without people making cruel remarks about her, get a job. Otherwise, you're doing all these frivolous things on our time, and with our money, so we have a right to comment and mock. In other words, shut up with your whining.

Whilst that was a subject to enrage me, the programme skirted round it and spent too much time talking about PR and journalism, rather than the ethics or practicalities of why the 'Royal Family' is still a thing. You can't ask why the princes are offended and bothered by the media without asking what purpose the Royals serve and why they are here.

But perhaps the BBC can't dip a toe in those waters because they're the state broadcaster and need the good favour of the Palace. So this documentary never waded into anything juicy or controversial. The only shocking thing was hearing the paparazzi sometimes shout 'Slag! Whore! Bitch!' at Kate Middleton to provoke her into turning around and looking into the lens.