WHO are the rapscallions of 2017, those who have shown an uncanny ability to skate on the thin ice of social propriety?

Who are the knaves, the mean of spirit and the worryingly stupid whom you wouldn’t let First Foot you even if they turned up with a lorry full of coal and enough cratur to drown in?

Brian Beacom lists those whom he won’t be sharing his black bun with.

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JACOB Rees-Mogg: Perfect to play Scrooge - in the pre-redemption stages - but it seems there is nothing redeemable about J R-M whatsoever. This is a creature who would take the nation’s Tiny Tim Cratchits and kick their crutches away, the politician who actually applauded the growing use of food banks in the UK, his perverse logic being they show what a “good compassionate country we are.” He also believes abortion to be wrong, even in cases of rape. Put Moggie outside and leave him there.

GORDON Strachan: The former Scotland boss is showing a little contrition but even though we’re still at the Baby Jesus and forgiveness time of the year it’s hard to forget how he reduced a nation to tears again. With Leigh Griffiths’ two goals against England (two goals Beckham couldn’t have bent better) we were lifted high into the heavens of possibility, but then dumped back to earth. Thanks to the manager’s hubris, ego and pig- headedness in not playing Griffith’s early doors, five million dreams were wrecked. Again. And we won’t even mention the genetics argument.

KEZIA Dugdale: “Sorry, I can’t help with your rent arrears problem, right now, Missus. I’m away tae the jungle to swally a bull’s willie winkie so bear with me for a few weeks. No, honestly, I’ll be preaching Labour values as a chat to thon boxer fella and Boris’s auld man. What? The money I’m getting paid? Ach, I’ll pay a portion of that to charity. How much? Let me get back to you on that one once I’ve had a wee blether with ma’ tax accountant.”

NIGEL Farage: This is the man who has built a career on the immigration fear which led to Brexit, yet he has no qualms about trousering a £73k a year pension once the UK departs, claiming he wouldn’t deny his family the cash.

Farage, incidentally, earns 90k as an MEP and owns a house in Chelsea worth £4m. A black-affronted Deputy Labour Leader Tom Watson said of Farage’s pension debacle; “There are no words.” But he was wrong. There are many. Here are two. Hypocritical a***. Indeed, hypocrisy comes off the man like the steam from a fresh reindeer pat.

WILLIE Gallagher: The Edinburgh Tram boss was awarded a £40,000 bonus by the committee he ran. Gallagher, already on a £170,000 a year salary, has a neck the colour of Santa’s suit but does he feel he’s robbed the public purse? Not a chance. But here’s the bigger question? When will we stop rewarding failure? When will Councils be stopped from paying salaries and bonuses that laugh in the face of everything decent.

GEORGIA Toffolo: The Celebrity Jungle lady is set to “make a million”, according to PR analysts – and an amazing example of how we reward the asinine. This is a lady who has attacked those on benefits for not being prepared to graft, yet waltzed right out of her £23k a year boarding school and straight onto the set of Made In Chelsea. I’m A Celebrity followed right after. Toff, say the PR people, is “the voice of a generation.” If that’s the case, let’s hope Santa brought her laryngitis.

EWAN McGregor: Oh come on, you didn’t think we were going to moralise, did you given our loveable star left his wife of 22 years for his Fargo co-star? Marriages end.

No. It’s what the Scots actor did after splitting that’s important. McGregor was pictured in LA with his new love in matching outfits, t-shirts, ankle-crushing jeans and elf boots. Doesn’t he know it’s against the law for couples over the age of 21 to dress up as each other? Let’s hope his head was in the love clouds and common sense has descended.

DIANE Abbott: This self-serving, arithmetically-challenged car crash liability of a Shadow Home Secretary declared 10,000 police officers would cost only £300k, (valuing them at less than 2p an hour).

She later claimed local elections to have cost the Party 50 members when it was in fact 150. However, she seems well aware of the cost of sending her son to private school, despite once criticising Tony Blair for doing same.

PEDRO Caixinha: Billy Smart’s Circus rarely produced such a colourful clown. Although Portuguese, the former Rangers manager attempted to suggest he’d been born in the Govan Road; “I give you two numbers – 144 years old and 54 league titles.”

He demanded the non-wearing of green boots by his players because he was “blue inside”. Ha. But also baffled the nation with esoteric lines such as; “The vampires taste the flavour of the blood and they want more”. And how about “the dogs bark and the caravan keeps going.”

It begs the question; “Was Pedro barking?”

BOB QUICK: Let’s be honest, if any of us behaved as Damian Green has at work we’d be up the road in double-quick time, but for (now retired) counterterrorism chief Quick to take nine years to dob Green in is reprehensible.

ALEX Salmond: If Mrs Brown’s Brendan O’Carroll can turn down a deal with Russia on the basis of gay rights abuse, surely Big Eck could have said niet to Russia Today, the mouthpiece of the regime which murders journalists?

The former FM seemed reliant upon a little sophistry when he announced he would retain complete independence of editorial. But Salmond has since independenced his way right down the ratings with only 16,000 watching the show in Britain, the same number as a Taggart repeat on STV2.

EDDIE Mair: Radio Four’s PM presenter is caustic, searing and a very clever boy. So why would he refuse to do interviews to promote his new book (the name of which I’m not going to mention, out of pure spite). Could it be the Dundee-born presenter was afraid of Fourth Estate questions about his £300 salary and coming second? Was he shirking the question “Who else would pay Eddie Mair £300k a year?” If you can’t take it Eddie, don’t dish it out.

NICHOLAS Pagett Brown: Three years ago the then Grenfell Council Leader received a letter from deeply concerned residents via the Grenfell Action Group, calling upon him to investigate the actions of the Council’s Planning Department, whom they accused of breaking the law by failing to consult residents as regards improvement works.

KEATON Jones: Eleven year-old Keaton’s mother posted an online video in which her son talked of being bullied and called names. It was watched by 22m and resulted in a crowd-funding campaign and $60k in pledges. But as the story spread so too did the backlash after social media posts revealed the Tennessee family posing with Confederate flags and the boy’s dad allegedly a white supremacist. Be careful what you beg for.

HARVEY Weinstein: The Hollywood producer’s behaviour has opened the floodgates, hopefully helping to establish a a new culture in the showbiz world. But remember, Bill Cosby still hasn’t been jailed.

THERESA May: The coughing PM almost choked on her own election hubris as she lost her majority and a billion to the bilious DUP as a result. She has since bumbled and stumbled through Brexit, but going AWOL during Grenfell raised serious questions about human compassion.

LEWIS Hamilton: Nice Lewis can drive fast but does that mean he should be able to play fast and loose with tax laws, buying a jet plane then renting it to himself to avoid VAT? Hamilton of course is just one example of the immoral taxation laws which our governments actively support. But while we’re on his case, why shouldn’t men wear dresses, Lewis? It worked for Stanley Baxter.

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