Patrick Turpin talks about his new show, To me, you are perfect.

Tell us about your Fringe show

My show – Patrick Turpin: To Me, You Are Perfect – looks at love, romance, and relationships and wallows in the off-kilter humour that is found there. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a Romantic Comedy that’s actually made me laugh, so I suppose my show is an antidote (as well as a tribute) to that. It borrows the tropes and commonalities of Romantic Comedy films, turns them on their head, and delivers them back to the audience in some unexpected ways.

Ultimately, it’s about an idiot trying to stage a really heart-warming one-man play. And also about me trying to marry my Dad. He knows about it, and no, he’s not that keen.

Best live act seen at Fringe?

Years ago there was a sketch-group called Oyster Eyes. They were so funny and brilliant, the whole thing almost felt like a clumsy accident – one of their group is doing a solo show this year (Phill Dunning – so check him out).

Also, if stand-up comedy warms your balls, then watching Lou Sanders is always an amazing experience.

Best thing about the Fringe?

The fact that you can find an audience for your act, regardless of what it is. If you want to come and pour olive oil over your bare torso in silence for an hour, sure lots of people will hate your guts, but there will be someone(s) who will love it.

Worst thing about the Fringe?

Squeeky-bum time. And by that I mean that it’s sometimes a bit of a high-pressure situation. That can be a bit stressful. It’s important to remember that, however remarkable your show is (and boy is my show remarkable), no one cares about it as much as you do. The key thing: maintaining perspective, and staying hydrated.

If you were not a comedian what would you be doing?

The entitled mid-20s white male London-dweller at my very core vaguely says ‘something creative’ but the reality is more like ‘marketing’.

I’d like to be a businessman probably. Not a suit-and-tie businessman, but a moleskin notebook and Clarks Originals businessman. A job where I could wear a hat in a meeting. So… ‘marketing’.

How do you combat pre-gig nerves?

Stretch my legs, whet my whistle, and remind myself that my jokes are really quite ideal and (like Kanye) I feel jealous that the audience get the chance to watch me live.

Worst on stage experience?

That’s quite a morbid question. Thing is, silence is an occupational hazard, so there have been plenty of onstage deaths that, in hindsight, haven’t registered as particularly deep cuts in the longterm.

I think on something like my second ever gig, I was performing at a posh University ball. I was the only performer on the bill, I did a weird character act for 30 minutes in the corner of a room that was being used for other things (chocolate fountain, et al), and got paid £15. They were all in tuxedos and did sort of confused-staring throughout. That was pretty tough.

How do you recover from a hefty heckle? Do you have a set of stock replies?

No stock replies. You gotta tame the wolves by stroking their fur. The audience can decide to ruin it whenever they want, so it feels as though the worst thing you can do is act like you give a s**t.

What do you love about Scotland?

Nicola Sturgeon. I listened to her Desert Island Discs and I thought – “yep, you’re my kind of pers”

What do you like about Edinburgh?

I like the cocktail bar ‘Under The Stairs’ that’s a cool place. The Stand Comedy Club. Arthur’s Seat. Scottish National Gallery. National Library of Scotland. I clearly don’t shy away from an institution.

What’s the most Scottish thing you’ve done?

I don’t want to trivialise Scottish culture, but I once nibbled shortbread on the bank of Loch Ness (genuinely). That was very Scottish of me.

Who’s your favourite Scottish comedian?

I don’t think I can have just one. I saw Frankie Boyle try out some jokes recently at The Stand and I’d forgotten how brilliant he is. Limmy is obviously incredible. If I had to say just one, maybe Armando Iannucci? I re-read I, Partridge recently… what an amazing thing that is.

Favourite joke?

I don’t have a favourite. I love them all, just in different ways.

Favourite Scottish food/drink?

Dundee cake. 

Patrick Turpin: To me, you are perfect is on at Sneaky Pete's until August 27.