NAPOLEON would be lost in Britain today. The country dubbed a nation of shopkeepers by Boney has morphed, courtesy of The X-Factor, Britain’s Got Talent, and their ilk, into a land of power balladeers. Saturday night TV has been taken over by these Whitney wannabes, so it came as no surprise to find Pitch Battle (BBC1, Saturday, 7.30pm) rocking up in the schedules.

Ah, but this is different, or at least that is what the Beeb would have you think. Inspired by the movie Pitch Perfect, a musical comedy about competing singing groups, Pitch Battle has that nice Gareth Malone from The Choir as one of the judges. He is joined by Kelis, an American singer famous for the song Milkshake (tell me, why does her milkshake bring all the boys to the yard? Are they environmental health inspectors concerned that strict production guidelines are being observed?). The third judge is supposed to be a big shot celebrity. This week it was Will Young.

Hosted by the Mel half of Mel and Sue with fewer double entendres, this “choral combat” was essentially the Great British Shout Off stretched out over an hour and a half. Pass the headache tablets, mother.

Over on Channel 5, an old Saturday night regular was making a comeback. Blind Date (Channel 5, Saturday, 7pm) is now hosted by Paul O’Grady, our Cilla having gone to join the choir invisible. In an age of internet dating and Tinder, one wondered what a programme that last aired 14 years ago could possibly bring to the party. The answer: apart from O’Grady and his sly Scouse wit (which was, at times, a bit ripe for family viewing), not a lot. The lads and lassies still gave corny answers to daft questions, but this time round their ranks included “a sales manager for a professional services association” (he worked for a firm of lawyers), and a “carpenter and part-time model”. Whatever happened to accountants and teachers? As for the prize dates, do have a rummage down the sofa cushions for some more money, Channel 5. A day of ping pong: really? Not much chance of any magic happening there.

There was not much love in the air in Theresa v Boris: How May Became PM (BBC2, Sunday, 9pm). A drama documentary about the collective madness that seized the Tory party after the Brexit vote, Justin Hardy’s film was a mix of bad wigs and delightfully indiscreet interviews with some of the protagonists (not the key players, alas). The programme presented such a grotesque portrait of a party more concerned with stabbing each other in the back than steering the country through a stormy time that I had to check at the end whether it had been an SNP production. Boris came out best, Gove was made to look a snivelling weasel, and as for Theresa ….. Brrrr, turn the heating up, there’s a good chap.

Nicola Sturgeon did pop up in The Proclaimers: This is the Story (BBC2, Weds, 9pm), a film marking 30 years since the Joe 90 lookalikes released their first album. The First Minister was one of many interviewees (Muriel Gray, Matt Lucas, et al) queuing up to pay tribute to the Reid twins. David Tennant did the main interview with the lads. Being a self-confessed Proclaimers devotee had its advantages and disadvantages. The former Dr Who was hardly Andrew Neil-like in his determination to get answers, but then he did not need to be. Just hearing those great songs again, all our yesterdays, made for a terrific, foot-tapping, singalong hour. Best of all, there were no chuffing choirs around to ruin the tunes.

On hearing the programme title Killer Women with Piers Morgan (STV, Thursday, 9pm), some unkind sorts might be tempted to bellow “C’mon ra killer women, get stuck in!” but that’s not us, is it?

We recognise that for all the Good Morning Britain host can sometimes be a bit of a breakfast show anchor, he is one of the niftiest interviewers in the business (he is an even better diarist by the by, at his best, the Alan Clark of the celebrity era).

In this, the second series in which Morgan goes into US jails to interview dames that have done wrong, he met Rebecca, jailed for shooting her other half. You are either a victim of a miscarriage of justice, Piers told her, or the most convincing liar I’ve ever met. Morgan didn’t lift a finger to mount his own investigation into the case, instead speaking to Rebecca, her mother, police and neighbours , so there was no chance of overturning any conviction if indeed she was innocent.

“Thank you, Mr Morgan,” Rebecca said at the end. I’m not sure the programme did you any favours, dear.