The first thing I Googled was 'Why is a loom band'. An upbeat and inquisitive 'What's a loom band then, eh kids?' would neither convey my bewilderment or my deep well of sadness. Human adults around the world are creating and wearing clothes made from tiny rainbow-coloured rubber bands that look just like the garish Claire's Accessories hair elastics I wore at the age of never.
Eco-friendly clothing, with its connotations of burlap sacks and sludgy colours, is at odds with the decadent, flighty and fabulous world of fashion. What's a girl to do if she's got the heart of Saffy but the sartorial soul of Patsy?
Like many fashion lovers of my generation, I've been supporting the fast fashion industry since I got my first job aged 16 (flipping sausages in my local Tesco café, if you're interested). I still remember how thrilling my first self-funded shopping trip was. I can even recall what I bought: a pale pink corset and black knee-high boots with vertiginous heels that gave me the unsexy lumbering gait of a Tyrannosaurus rex. What self-respecting child of the 90s wouldn't want an outfit that simultaneously referenced Pretty Woman and Jurassic Park?
Giving your jacket the finger because you don't need it anymore, even though you know come autumn you'll quite literally crawl back into its arms like a celebrity's vagina to John Mayer (say).
Every time I receive an email from a PR agency, my heart sinks.
