Former feature writer and music editor of The Scotsman, former arts editor and features editor of the Sunday Herald, sometime contributor to BBC Radio Scotland on (variously) music, films, visual art and pirates.
Any bystanders caught gawping at the bizarre spectacle yesterday showed they clearly weren't familiar with life in the capital in high summer.
If they were, they wouldn't have been surprised to learn the whole thing was a stunt. Theatre cabaret troupe The Ruby Dolls actually arrived on Monday and anyway the train they were supposed to have alighted from was going to London, not coming from it. Still, it made a good photo opportunity.
But I admit it came as a surprise to learn the old boy once added author to his long list of accomplishments – in 1964, when he published ABC Of Men's Fashion.
The book was republished in 2008 by the Victoria & Albert Museum, which is presumably when it picked up this review from fashion magazine Arena: "Should be required reading for anyone who's fallen into the trap of leaving the house in a pair of tracksuit bottoms." Ouch.
Cole gave us her penny loafer's-worth when she told a newspaper recently: "When I meet a guy I check out his smile, his eyes and then his shoes." Gallagher, meanwhile, responded to a question about how he achieved his rock-star look by saying: "You start with the shoes and work up." The former Oasis singer has his own clothing line, you may recall, and knows a thing or two about good gear.
Especially when they include cardigans, deck shoes or rugby shirts. Similarly I hate those 10 Things No Man Should Have In His Wardrobe lists, mainly because they always include Crocs and I like Crocs. So I offer you a third way: 10 Things 100% Of Men Would Like To Own But Which 99.99% Never Will.
1) A 152in television
That's more than 12ft across, in case your maths isn't up to the job. Made by Panasonic, they went on sale last year and people are actually buying them despite the £380,000 price. Imagine the thrill of seeing Alan Hansen that big!