Candid camera

SCOTLAND has given the world many gifts, from television and penicillin to the telephone and Andy Murray, But one cannot help thinking that we’ve fallen down on the job when it comes to inspirational cat posters. You know the sort of thing: kitten dangling from a washing line with the motto “Hang in there!”; kitten looking heavenwards to the word “BELIEVE!”.
With no poster to hand we’ll just have to go old school in sending a guid Scots message of consolation to two of the week’s sorriest entities: United Airlines chief Oscar Munoz, and White House press spokesman Sean Spicer. To them we say: “There’s always somebody worse aff than yourself!”
United started the week badly when mobile phone footage of a bloodied grandfather being dragged off a flight in the US by security guards went viral. Things went downhill from there for Mr Munoz, who initially backed the “deplaning” of 69-year-old Dr David Dao only to end the week promising that such an incident would never happen again.
Meanwhile, Mr Spicer, who is to the West Wing’s CJ Cregg what Ed Balls is to Fred Astaire, managed to offend millions by saying that Hitler did not use chemical weapons. Mr Spicer, too, ended the working week on his belly. “I hope people understand that we all make mistakes,” he said with the air of a man who has just realised that perhaps tipping that grand piano off the roof wasn’t such a great idea.
In both instances, the original sins were bad enough. What made things worse was that they were captured on camera and bounced around the world on social media. In the internet age there is no such thing as a little local scandal. Anything can go viral, and when it does the opprobrium that an act would normally have attracted in the past is multiplied countless times.
Online, seeing something is no longer just believing; it’s a licence to become involved. Veni, vidi, dicerem: I came, I saw, I commented. United’s economy class cabin was renamed “Fight Club” by Twitter, while an unofficial competition for a new airline logo attracted entrants such as “United Airlines: putting the hospital into hospitality”, and “Come for the seating, stay for the beating”.
Nor is there any wriggle room or scope for denial when an incident has gone viral. It’s there, in colour, in a Twitter post or a YouTube video, and it will be there for ever, like the Atlantic Ocean.
Phones and cameras everywhere are frequently seen as one of the blights of the connected age. Yet when it comes to capturing bad behaviour or spectacularly foolish comments they can advance the cause of civilisation no end. Would anyone have believed the awfulness of the United Airlines incident without seeing that video and hearing the doctor’s screaming? How many of those in authority now temper their behaviour towards the public knowing that they could be being filmed on a mobile phone? Just as sunlight is a great disinfectant, so too is film and audio.
Whether Mr Munoz has apologised enough to keep his job depends largely on the recovery of United Airlines’ share price and the size of the damages claim now being prepared by Dr Dao’s lawyer.
As for Sean “Spicey” Spicer, if I was him I wouldn’t be putting in a headed stationery order in any time soon. Ditto Steve Bannon, often seen as the strategic brains of the Trump administration but a factotum dim enough to clash with Jared Kushner, who is married to the boss’s daughter, Ivanka.
Since colliding with the realities of office, Donald Trump has been quick enough to jettison policies that no longer suit. He won’t hesitate to do the same with staff who may have performed well in the 33-ring circus that was his campaign for president, but who now look like embarrassing clowns forever tripping over their own size 15s.
Don’t worry about Sean’s ability to pay the mortgage if he has to do the cardboard box walk of shame out the door. Official filings show that he has some £5.3 million in the bank, made up largely of shares and property. Which reminds me of another guid Scots saying: you’re no’ as daft as you look, pal.

Who let the dogs out?

SINCE imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, Holyrood must adore Westminster, or at least its way of showing how much our elected representatives love their mutts. Yes, Holyrood is to get its own Dog of the Year show.
The competition, organised by the Kennel Club and Dogs Trust to raise awareness of animal welfare, has attracted 16 entrants, including a dalmation, a greyhound, and a pug. Their humans, going by the testimonies, are sick with puppy love. Miles Briggs, a Tory MSP for Lothian, reckons Monty, his Jack Russell, can read minds (he’s not kept busy on an average day at Holyrood then ...).
While a dog show will be seen as soppy by some, you can tell a lot about folk by their attitudes towards animals so I for one say well done MSPs. Better to be a bit Disney over creatures than dictatorial, like those members of Tewkesbury Town Council calling for the eviction of Missy, a cat who has taken to wandering in to the local authority’s offices where delighted staff have given her the title of “Morale Officer”. One councillor even complained about the cost of the cat’s food.
One way to end the dispute is for the matter to be put to the vote: councillors or cats, who stays? I know who my money is on.

Our friends in the south

NEVER mind who let the dogs out, who let London politicians leave London? It never ends well, as when Ed Miliband headed north in 2011 without being able to name a single candidate standing for the leadership of Scottish Labour. Awkward.
This week, LibDem UK leader Tim Farron came to Edinburgh to spread some of the peace, love, and understanding for which the party is fabled by accusing the SNP of extremism and intolerance. They, in turn, attacked him as completely out of touch with debate in Scotland.
Labour’s Jeremy Corbyn has caused much mirth in Nottingham by getting the name of the county council leader wrong. He also managed to be photographed in a train toilet (mercifully he was not doing anything  except looking glaiket). Honestly people, stay home.
In other momentous political news, former FM Jack McConnell has handed over 12 boxes of papers to Stirling University, much of the cache relating to his stewardship of Scottish Labour. While it is very kind of Lord McConnell to think of future generations when clearing out his garage, there is really only one McConnell question most of us would like answered. To wit: “What on Earth were you thinking, man, when you wore that blouse and mini-kilt in New York?”