So farewell then, Mario Balotelli.
You came, you set off fireworks in your bathroom, you wore T-shirts whose slogans contained no verbs at all – and you thrilled us with your bravura footballing skills. Now, with the rumoured loan deal to Buckie Thistle in tatters, you're heading to the land of your birth to play for AC Milan.
Roberto Mancini, your mentor, sometime friend and "gaffer" at Manchester City, will be glad to see the back of you, by all accounts. Your foster mother Silvia, thought by many to be the one woman who can thump an ounce of common sense into you, will be delighted at your return. She lives in Brescia, 50 miles from your new place of work. Expect regular visits.
Beyond using the same hand to sign autographs – the left – you and I have little in common. But I will miss you. Your flair on the pitch has been a pleasure to watch but in particular I'll miss the eccentric, vivid and occasionally calamitous sense of personal style you always showed off it. In your honour, then, here are my Top Mario Fashion Triumphs:
1) The T-shirts
"Why always me?" was the famous one, worn under your Man City top and displayed for the cameras just days after the firework incident when you scored twice against Manchester United. Another favourite was the one with the scoop V-neck which said simply: "Not only am I perfect, I'm Italian too."
2) The pink headphones
You turned up for a flight to Amsterdam ahead of a 2012 Champions League game wearing your Man City suit with the collar turned up and a pair of shocking pink Beats By Dre headphones. You were also pulling a suitcase on wheels and you still didn't look a fool. Absolute class.
3) The Snood
Yours had a picture of Super Mario on it. Respect.
4) The Hats
These were many and varied though two stand out. First, the knitted "glove hat", complete with five upright fingers, that you wore ahead of a game against Everton in 2010. Second, the sky-blue straw fedora you wore ahead of the 2011 FA Cup Final topped with a sky-blue plastic duck. I'm guessing you made it yourself.
5) And finally - the camouflage car
Quite simply, it was jaw-dropping: a Bentley Continental GT given a vinyl camo "wrap". Just the thing for blending into the background when driving round Manchester late at night or parked outside clothes shops in Deansgate. On-the-road cash price? Around £130,000. You bought yours after crashing your Audi R8. Well, a boy needs wheels, doesn't he?
Ciao then, Mario. And bravo!
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