It’s official! I am the female Victor Meldrew. Just call me Victoria. I might even change my name by deed poll.

After summoning up the courage to spend Dad’s equity release money on a new cooker I thought it best to do some research courtesy of the Which? guides. Their Star Buy – with its ability to grill evenly and cook thoroughly – appeared to be just what we needed, and could afford.  It’s the equivalent of the medium priced car. Nothing flash, but not the cheapest thing in the range – I’ve been caught by buying cheap before. It can be a false economy.

Having identified our new cooker I wanted to go and look at it; to open and close its oven door and twiddle its knobs. You would think that, because Which? had said it was cheapest at Currys, that Currys would have grabbed the endorsement with both hands and got some onto their showroom floors.   But no.  They could order it for me but none of their shops stocked it as standard. The same with John Lewis, although if I ordered it from them it would cost £100 more. Argos could get it for me too, at a price of £200 more than Currys.

I rang B&Q who boasted they had many cookers in stock, but not this one. The one that Which? had awarded top marks.

When I rang Which? to let them know that their Star Buy was not available to view, they seemed rather crestfallen.

‘It kind of makes you guys and your reports a tad irrelevant, if readers can’t actually buy the things you recommend.’ I said. ‘Unless people are prepared to buy a cooker unseen, which I don’t think I am.’

Why do the Which? testers choose items than none of the big retailers actually have in their showrooms. Are they being deliberately awkward? The retailers all stock lots of other cookers, just not the appliance that won all the plaudits.

Currys again refused to deliver one of the cookers into a nearby store to let me see it. But if I actually bought the cooker and had it delivered to the house and then decided I didn’t like it, they would come and collect it again at no cost. A breakthrough at last!

I gleefully began ordering the cooker over the phone but at the point where I was asked for the name on the debit card everything began to unravel again. It was Dad’s name on the card, not mine. And if the Currys order line person agreed to take the payment from someone other than the cardholder she would face instant dismissal and a fine of £25,000. It’s all down to the Data Protection Act, she told me. Even though the cooker was coming to the same address as the card holder? It’s not as if, having had the thing delivered, I could walk off with it under my arm and install it at a different address.

I don’t think I actually said ‘I don’t believe it!’ in my best Victoria Meldrew voice, but I felt like saying it, and worse. How frustrating. Of course, the call handler said, if I sent them my Power of Attorney paperwork they would be able to help. But as things stood, there was nothing they could do. The Data Protection Act was there, after all, to protect vulnerable folk, like my Dad. Indeed.

I was preparing to give up the ghost and manage with the cooker we already had when she said: ‘Of course you can always order it on-line’.
It seems anyone can use someone else's card on-line with impunity and without the risk of the Data Protection Act hampering their spending.

Which is why, I suppose, I found instructions for a Dyson hoover without there actually being a Dyson in the house. And a recipe booklet for a rather nice looking blender, but no such item in the kitchen. The Data Protection Act had not deterred the previous regime.

I ordered the cooker on-line.  It was easy. No questions asked.

Of course elderly and vulnerable people – especially those with dementia - need protection from all sorts of things. But what they – and their families - really need is call centre workers to  be sympathetic even if they aren’t able to deviate from the script and use their initiative – although that would be really helpful. They need energy and phone providers prepared to put accounts into joint names so that a family member can talk to them about the bills. They need personal bankers who know who they are and can work with them, not against them.

What they don’t need, most of the time, is the Data Protection Act – a modern day tic, used to bat away stuff that companies are too lazy or too mean to properly understand and use correctly.

As another comedy icon might say ‘Protecting the vulnerable - my arse’!