My half-empty Yes cup runneth over

All the personal abuse, the insults. How did Salmond bear it?

All the bullying, harassment and shouting down.

Those Newsnight programmes were hard to take. All over. What now?

I've always been a 'glass half empty' kind of man. But the great advantage of being a pessimist is that you're rarely disappointed.

I was pessimistic about Yes's chances.

If, in 2011, you'd said to me that in three years' time, 45% of the Scottish electorate, in by far the biggest voter turnout ever, would plum for independence, I wouldn't have believed it possible.

Even a year ago, I privately thought a vote of over 40% would be a magnificent result for the Yes side. The polls then were showing 28% in favour of independence.

In fact, at that time, all the talk on the No side was of winning at least two-thirds of the vote.

A crushing victory that would finish the independence question once and for all.

Yet here we are, a neck-and-neck race to the finish.

A narrow defeats for the independence movement against the full weight of the UK establishment and media.

My pessimism confounded. My wildest hopes exceeded.

So why am I feeling so down this morning? Why do I feel like bubbling into my coffee?

Disappointed isn't the word. Despondent doesn't get there either.

I need the word beloved of footballers - gutted.

Gutted because that wonderfully positive, optimistic Yes campaign put me to shame.

Another twenty years needed? Another referendum or two?

Nonsense, Jock. Now's the day and now's the hour.

I experienced the excitement of that exuberant, 'can do' spirit in Glasgow, Stirling and Ayrshire.

It blew away my cringing scepticism. It was humbling. Imagine a sovereign Scotland with that creativity and problem-solving energy behind it. Nothing impossible, everything changeable.

But it wasn't just presentation and show.

The Yes campaign won all the arguments too. In the months before the referendum, as the debate heated up, support for independence went up 17%.

To switch sporting metaphors, when bell went for the final round of the referendum fight, the No side was gasping on the ropes, hanging on for a narrow points victory. Before the start of the contest, it was bragging of an early round knock-out.

When, in that final round, it looked like it would be the No side that would be KO'ed, the old bruiser Gordon Brown was brought out of retirement.

Belatedly a No vision was unfurled by the seconds in the corner.

"Try devo-max(ish)", was their tactical call.

But Project Fear didn't let up either. Brown added pensions and the NHS to the long list of things that would somehow disappear in an independent Scotland.

Well, fear and doubt won out. I just hope the No side will accept that the status quo is not an option. Johann Lamont's scolding lack of generosity on television was not a good start.

I'm certain the Yes side would have been magnanimous in victory.

Partly, the positivity of its message would have ensured this. But it would also have been a necessity. A small sovereign state needs most of its people pushing in the same direction.

But anyway, here we are. The voters have voted and the No side has won.

That's democracy. Everyone in Team Scotland now, the previous Yes and No sides, have to work together with a good heart to achieve what most Scots at this moment want - devo-max within the UK.

I just hope the energy and creativity of the Yes campaigners won't fade away after their disappointment. I think it will be needed.

The panicky promises made by Cameron, Miliband and Clegg are very far from anything resembling a devo-max settlement.

The English backlash against even these modest proposals has begun.

Gordon Brown won't be Scotland's saviour. He's a Westminster backbencher.

He hasn't the wherewithal to deliver the constitutional revolution and federalism he writes about.

Will he become an MSP to work for his vision? His goal was always to save the UK.

I can't see him relishing a secondary, regional role.

Gordon wants a place on the international stage, something much bigger than Scotland can offer.

I just can't see this referendum settling things for a generation. £25 billion of cuts are still to come. As likely as not, we'll have another Tory government in 2015.

New Labour's offer of devolved powers is the meekest of the three main unionist parties. It can't help but continue to disappoint its traditional supporters in Scotland.

The UK can't deliver for Scotland. Professor Devine is right. It's a busted flush.

It's beyond redemption.

But Scotland is on the move. Scots won't let London put them back in the box.

The fantastic spirit of those Yes campaigners, many involved in politics for the first time, won't allow that. They'll just keep on trying, trying and trying again.

I scan the corners of my kitchen. I hope for a symbolic spider and web. Alas, no luck. Modern kitchens: all convenience, no romance.

But my Yes mug is on the table before me. And you know what? This morning, in spite of everything, it's definitely half-full.