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Revealed: the celebrity indyref views you haven't heard yet

I used to work beside a born again Christian who, when faced with any major ethical dilemmas such as whether or not to take an early lunch, would ask herself the hypothetical question: What Would Jesus Do?

As the Scottish Independence debate hots up to unprecedented levels, I thought it might be worthwhile to pose a similar question to assist those as yet undecided in their vote.

Not being a Christian myself, I thought I'd spare Jesus and limit the question to various figures who have a genuine Scottish connection.

So, in no order at all, how would the following born Scots or not (as Jane Franchi used to say) cast their vote in a couple of weeks' time?

What Would Elvis Do?

Despite being born in Tupelo, Mississippi, the King of Rock'n'Roll is reliably said to be descended from the Presley clan of deepest Aberdeenshire.

What's more, Elvis has actually set foot in Scotland, on his way home from Army service in Germany, when his plane touched down at Prestwick Airport, after he was ejected from a Ryanair flight for demanding a deep fried bacon and peanut butter sandwich as an inflight meal.

Incredibly enough, Elvis, despite being one of the most iconic figures of the 20th century and, as a result, the subject of numerous interviews, managed to go through his entire life without ever saying anything thought-provoking, controversial or even marginally interesting.

As such, it's hard to know how he'd vote in the referendum, but we do know that he was pretty patriotic, judging by his willingness to do his Army time and record The American Trilogy.

Given this, we can probably put Elvis done as a 'yes' or possibly, in his case, an 'uh-ahuh'.

What Would Bon Scott Do?

As the wild and highly charismatic front man for Aussie rockers AC/DC, Bon has genuine Scots credentials, being born in Kirriemuir and, of course, famously dying of that great rock death, choking on vomit. (His own, not a la Spinal Tap, someone else's.)

A lover of the bagpipes, Bon would appear to be a true Scottish patriot, particularly since, from the age of five, he didn't live there.

A definite yes voter I'd say, even though as a confirmed night person, he might struggle to get to the voting booths prior to the 9pm curfew.

What Would Ronald Reagan Do?

The second Ron on the list (since Bon Scott's real name was also Ron, which doesn't sound half as glamorous), the Ex-President is descended from the Wilson family of Paisley, a fact that was discovered in the early 1980s when it was ascertained that he could, in fact, peel an orange in his trouser pocket whilst wearing a boxing glove.

Furthermore, Ron was famously awarded the ancient Scottish Order of the Quaich, appropriate since he certainly spoke enough of it when he was President.

Ron's natural conservatism would seem to make him a no voter but it's also possible that his general handle of worldwide issues might render him a 'don't know'. Or maybe even a 'what's Scotland?'

What Would Reese Witherspoon Do?

Descended from the Witherspoons of Beith in Ayrshire, Reese is primarily on this list as it gives me a chance to roll out that classic (i.e. old) gag about the pub conversation that goes as follows:

First man: 'Did you hear about that Hollywood actress who tried to kill her husband? Reese…. Reese…'

Second man: 'Witherspoon?'

First man: 'No, with a gun, actually.'

Apparently one of Reece's forebears was one of the first signatories of the American Declaration of Independence, so I think we can safely put her down as a yes.

What Would Sheena Easton Do?

Quite a lot of people pooh-pooh the idea that Prince's one-time squeeze has any Scottish roots, despite being born and raised in Bellshill.

Chief amongst these objectors is Sheena herself of course, as precisely 10 minutes after leaving our shores she appeared to all intents and purposes to be American, judging by the accent, the predilection for plastic surgery and the overproduced, over emoting rank rotten balladry.

Given this, Sheena is almost certainly a no, though she'd almost have to be dragged to the polling booths using one of those chains she used in that Prince pop video.

What Would John Wayne Do?

Born Marion Morrison, as Scottish a name as they come - though admittedly only for a wee spinster woman who sings in the church choir rather than for a Hollywood he-man.

Big John was nothing if not a flag-waving patriot. Well, in the movies, he was, since in reality, he managed to avoid war service by staying at home on his ranch, the sort of Jessie-biscuit behaviour you might expect of a bloke called Marion when you come think of it.

John would probably tell everybody he was a yes but sneakily change his vote once he got into the booth and pulled that curtain behind him which, I've got a feeling, won't exactly make him unique when it comes to September 18.

So, there you have it. Ultimately, what celebrities - dead or alive, eligible to vote or not would or wouldn't do should be a complete irrelevance to the average voter, even though the recent pronouncements of Sean Connery, Irvine Welsh, Mick Jagger and Paul McCartney would tend to suggest otherwise.

After all, it's your lives and futures we're talking about here. In other words, Scots - it's now over to you.

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