So I didn't opt out.
I made it to the end of the MA in TV Fiction Writing at Glasgow Caledonian University. A journey, you may remember, I embarked on last September. But will I graduate... that is the question?
In getting my life back, I had some time to visit my dentist; a rather austere and serious man I have been going to since the 1970s.
A man of few words, he usually sits at the back of the dental chair administering pain in a sort of cruel-to-be-kind way. A safe pair of hands and a respectful courteous professional, he asked politely what I had been up to lately, and so I explained about the course.
He promptly stood up and said he had a good idea for a sitcom. He went on to explain it; he'd met a young female police officer (how and why - he just couldn't say - but she was very pretty).
He commented on how lovely her smile was but a pity about upper left four and upper right two and that she really ought to see a dentist. She replied that she didn't have a dentist and he went on to offer to fix her smile, which he did but really the most interesting bit about it was why he was with her in the first place and so I'd have to make that bit up.
Slightly startled by this revelation, I announced that in my sitcom exam final I had the Chief of Police in leathers handcuffed to the antagonist in a cell, to which my dentist asked if they were real handcuffs or just pink fluffy ones…is that a clue?
I also caught up with a friend's former husband whom I haven't seen for twenty years. He has terminal cancer so I thought I should get in touch.
Rather than talk about the obvious, I decided - for a laugh - to put on my best Lancashire accent and have some fun with him about what he was up to at home, as he was once a gambling man.
After a fairly long time, he still hadn't twigged and was starting to get agitated with my insinuations. I gave up the cod Lancashire accent and revealed myself.
He asked what I was up to and so I told him about the course. He is an ex-cop so naturally his response was, 'come over and here my stories...'
"As I'm dying it doesn't matter what I tell you," he added. Somehow I just didn't have the stomach for it although it was suggested that they were much better than mine!
I have now completed two 30-minute sitcom scripts as part of my finals. I've no idea how to write a sitcom and so perhaps it was foolish, but I enjoyed doing it.
My mentor, Donna Franceschild, a veteran of series such as Takin' Over the Asylum and Mug's Game, advised at the eleventh hour that it was too late to change to another genre, but I persevered.
It is difficult to know what is too edgy and what is too safe, so I'm thinking it's probably been hashed about so much that I simply don't know what the target audience is.
Certainly Donna thought my dwarf elf character applying for the job of Santa as he always looked up to him and thought he was due a promotion, didn't go down well. She rightly thought the BBC might not like that and so I changed it to a short man called Mr. Weebaws.
She is probably right as Channel 4 were the producers of Seven Dwarves, the documentary TV series following the lives of seven dwarf actors who lived together and performed in a production of Snow White.
Somehow, I think the rest of my sitcom probably wasn't edgy enough for Channel 4. And so it goes on.
Two of my fellow writing students came to stay for a night and a day and enjoy the Highland experience here in Boat of Garten.
As we trekked down Cairngorm, we reflected on the year and what would become of us all. The consensus was that life has quietly gone back to normal and that the course was just the start of our journey.
Jason went back to Ireland to earn a living and to start the lengthy process of making writing submissions.
Tom headed back to London to continue his journey with LA in his sights. I continue co-writing a book on my father, George Wyllie, with very short deadlines now and a piece of therapeutic practicality - emptying out the loft before it decides to do it itself.
The final exam also asked the question; what we had learnt during the course?
I had to say that being a writer in film, television or radio requires tenacity, inevitable compromise and unrelenting loyalty to oneself.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article