News from Australia you might have missed: in a move so crass, cack-handed and out of touch with reality, you'd think it was done to deliberately make himself a laughing stock, Prime Minister Tony Abbott has awarded an Australian knighthood to HM The Queen's sidekick, Prince Philip.
First things first. I bet you didn't even know there was such an accolade as an Australian knighthood.
Me neither and in truth there wasn't, it being an obsolete decoration until quite recently, when it was revived by Tony himself, seemingly without the inconvenience of discussing it with anyone else.
A captain's call, he described it, as indeed was the nutty decision to bestow said an award on The Duke of Edinburgh, who already has so many medals, trinkets and gewgaws, it takes four circus strongmen to lift his good jacket up.
Called upon for an explanation, Abbott made a vague claim that the Prince 'has done a lot for Australia', though no specific details were offered.
Given his own antiquated viewpoints, it's possible that this may have been a reference to the time Prince Philip asked an Aboriginal elder if he still threw spears at people, but that's only my opinion.
Then, to turn the laughable into the farcical, Abbott admitted that Phil - or Sir Phil as Aussies are now obliged to call him - hadn't actually responded to the honour; not an acknowledgment, not a word of thanks.
"But then, I didn't expect one", wittered Tony, who's now so unpopular with the Australian public, he could open the batting for the Taliban international cricket team.
Personally speaking, I don't actually mind Prince Philip. I've always considered him to be quite good comic value in an irascible, anachronistic, Bernard Manning, sort of a way.
Plus, he's always reminded me of my Uncle Robert.
Rab has never had a job in his whole life either.
Abbott, on the other hand, has absolutely no redeeming features whatsoever. You don't have to be a political analyst to see that there is a direct connection between Prince Phillip being given a gong and HM The Queen ultimately returning the favour on Tony himself.
Ladbrokes have stopped taking bets on this eventuality which will no doubt take place when Abbott is an ex-Prime Minister, which, given the ways things are going in Australia, could well be next week.
'Arise Sir Toady', will inevitably be the call, sooner, rather than later.
Already he's narrowly survived a 'no confidence' motion proposed by his own MPs and looks about as secure in his job as Kenny McDowall.
Essentially, the Aussie public have had their fill of the supercilious little dweeb, a fact which shows how fickle voters can be, since it's only slightly more than a year ago when he was elected in a landslide.
Politics is a volatile business here however, not least because, unlike the UK, a general election is held every 3 years, barely enough time for your average MP to get himself involved in a sex scandal, though impressively enough, some still seem to manage it.
This shortish time between polls leads to a high turnover of political leaders, which has accelerated in recent times during which both Kevin Rudd and then Julia Gillard were summarily dumped as their popularity ratings dropped through the floor.
This same fate seems to await Abbott, who, despite securing the vote of the majority of his MPs is currently demonstrating a persona as portrayed by Sean Penn in the movie, Dead Man Walking.
This will be a tragedy for almost no one given Tony's resolute unpopularity, due in no small part to his unreconstructed, reactionary views on immigration, asylum seekers and the economy in addition to the mystifying fact that since being elected, his hair appears to no longer be receding.
Yes, despite his denials, Tony's barnet has clearly been augmented, quite possibly by the carpet manufacturer who did a similar job on cricketer Shane Warne.
(It's either that, or in the spirit of nationalistic pride, Abbott has taken to wearing a koala on his bonce, but whatever the truth is, it's not a good look.)
I mean, I ask you: having right wing politics is one thing. Mismanaging the economy, another. Meaningless knighthoods awarded to the consort of another country is a hard pill to swallow under any circumstances.
But really. Come on. Be honest.
Would you vote for a man who wears a wig?
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