THE great irony about humiliating yourself by forgetting something major is that the embarrassment will ensure you never forget it again.

Ed Miliband will not be allowed to gloss over the deficit a second time after failing to give it a mention in his party conference speech on Wednesday.

Mr Miliband opted to memorise his speech, rather than use notes, and the plan fell down in the execution.

It was Scotland's fault, aides said, for the two-week distraction of the referendum. He didn't have time to practise; should've used a teleprompter. Maybe should have prepared for the referendum sooner?

I fully sympathise with Ed Miliband. I have the worst memory ever. I had to Google "Miliband" four times during the previous sentence to remind myself whether it was one L or two. David Miliband appeared in the search results. Remember him?

I wish I could forget the time I forgot the piece I was playing during the North Lanarkshire Young Musician competition in fifth year of high school. There were some unnerving top Es that I wasn't confident I could hit. By the time I made the decision not to attempt them, I'd lost my place and so stood, silently, with the clarinet at my chin, until the pianist finished her piece and I could leave the stage. No one clapped, bar Ma Stewart, who's deaf. That's the kind of teenage horror you don't forget.

Some people have selective amnesia, like The Mirror, forgetting they'd tapped some phones. That's easy to do, especially when there's a financial consequence to remembering.

Two years ago I had amnesia. I can't remember what happened, obviously, but my consultant said I'd thought the PM was Maggie Thatcher. My subconscious is Tory. That was quite alarming to learn.

When my friend found me, shaking and crying, I was in the nud, having fallen midway through a shower. I'm pretty glad my brain wiped it.

Sometimes it's important to forget things. A heartbreak, a mistake at work, anything with Daniel Radcliffe in it. Psychologists say that actions interfere with recollections. Doing something complicated after an event you'd rather forget should help.

An hour of meringue making after What If was a big help. Follow up a bad day with The Herald crossword. It's good for the brain.

The very sharpest minds, I have read, are equally good at forgetting as remembering. Just don't tell Ed Miliband: he doesn't need any more lazy excuses.