Here's to those determined big cat trackers in Gloucestershire with their night vision goggles, telephoto lenses and recording equipment.
They have quite rightly dismissed recent DNA tests on a deer carcass that claim a fox was responsible. Why would a fox attack something that wasn't in a bin liner?
The incidents began a few weeks back when various weekend residents of pretty Cotswold villages found their City bonuses mauled and strewn across the lawn. Anxious parents brought forward the dates of their children's BCG jab – the so-called Big Cat Guard booster – and everyone began logging onto Big Cat Monitors.co.uk which, incidentally, is a genuine website and not the superstore in which your average puma around town buys his flat-screen TV.
The sightings are by no means restricted to the south, of course. Scotland has enjoyed more than its fair share, since many big cats have relocated to the north, attracted by its wide open spaces, discarded pizza boxes and opportunity to take part in referendums.
In 2004 there were stories about the Coulport Cougar, seen near Loch Long. In 2007, the Banffshire Journal carried a breathless report about a "big, black, panther-like animal" that was seen near the Banff Links, although sadly no mention was made of its handicap. In 2009, another panther-sized big cat was seen walking along the railway line in Helensburgh. Shaun Stevens, a researcher for Big Cats in Britain – another genuine body, in case you're wondering, and not a list of the nation's millionaires – commented: "Knowing the width of the rail tracks in the video is four feet, eight-and-a-half inches, the animal photographed is clearly in excess of four feet." This statement sent members of Panthers, Railways and Train Timetables into paroxysms of joy. Or would have done if such a group existed.
The video footage of these and other sightings is oddly compelling. Often you hear nothing but the sound of the wind, or the breathing of the person holding the mobile or camera. Then the creature appears, walking along the top of a dry stone dyke, or skulking at the edge of a field. We want these stories to be true, want something untamed to be out there, free. Big cats, Big Foot, the Yeti, all of them. Instead, we just have the Not Yeti, so familiar to parents. "Have you done your homework?" You know the response.
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