UNTIL now, all most people have known about Simon Cowell is that he loves identikit white T-shirts and embarrassingly high waistbands, and adheres to the Tom Jones school of hair dye.
Oh, how I wish Pandora's Box had never been opened. Thanks to Tom Bower's unauthorised biography, Sweet Revenge: The Intimate Life Of Simon Cowell, we have learned more about the X Factor supremo's nuances than many of us would ever have wished.
Forget what starlets he may (or not) have bedded, the most mind-boggling revelations concern what the music mogul is reputed to spend his millions on. It's hard to decide which of the book's claims is more jaw-dropping. The £3000 a week he supposedly spends on floral arrangements (a sum that would make even Elton John's eyes water). The vintage MG sports car he's said to have bought – only to sell it the next day because it was "too draughty". Or his apparent insistence on black toilet paper in all his loos – at £10 a roll.
But even that pales next to the narcissistic garden feature in his £20 million Beverly Hills mansion, said by Bower to be designed to make it look as if Cowell is walking on water. Judging by Bower's account, not since Julius Caesar has an ego known fewer bounds.
What else goes on behind closed doors at Cowell Towers? I'm imagining a team of scientists hired to genetically modify watermelon so that the seeds don't get stuck in Cowell's pearly white gnashers. Or a mirror that gushes "you're the fairest of them all" when he steps in front of it.
When you have as much money as Cowell there are three options: spend it on pointless tat, build a bonfire and burn it or – call me crazy here – simply give it all away to charity.
Ditch the fresh flowers. Bulk-buy loo roll at Costco. Get some perspective, Mr Cowell.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article