It's been a good week for ...
Men are smartening up their act for their big day, spending on average £300 on male grooming to look their best.
Fake tan, teeth whitening, waxing – a study has found that the modern bridegroom will go to great lengths to dazzle on the day, with 5% admitting to spending £1000 on looking good.
On my wedding day, I was just fortunate that the bridegroom had washed. I'm glad I didn't know it at the time, but half an hour before he was due at the altar he was running round the village in search of a shower, the hot water at his mum's having been drained by the rest of the family.
But whitened teeth and waxing - well, it all seems a bit pansy. Then again, it might be a cry for help (see below).
It's been a bad week for ... brides
The lavish wedding has been getting out of hand. Hen holidays in the Balearics; receptions rounded off with fireworks flasher than the Queen's; and just do us a favour with the show-off favours (who wants a velvet bag full of midget gems?).
Now a bride-to-be has taken being a spoiled, self-indulgent prima donna to a whole new extreme. It has emerged that the soon-to-be wife from hell has emailed her 10 (yes, 10) bridesmaids to lay down a few rules of engagement.
She advises them to "read and think about everything" before they "accept this honor" and warns them that if they cannot attend "every single party" – including engagement party, bachelorette party and bridal shower – then their position will be withdrawn. If they are too skint/not daft enough to fly across the US for the events (the wedding is in Vail, Colorado, the engagement party in New York or Connecticut and the bachelorette party in Las Vegas), then they should walk away now.
She writes (badly): "If money is tight and you cant afford to contribute to say the bachelorette party or wont be able to afford a dress etc then [maid of honour] L— and Myself don't have time to deal with that. Everything will be affordable but if you think by affordable its going to be a $25 forever 21 dress then your going to the wrong wedding."
I hope her bridegroom knows what he's letting himself in for - and that he's had his teeth whitened so he can grin and bear it.
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