It's been a good week for ...
Border control staff at Glasgow Airport were left shell-shocked after a passenger tried to pull a fast one.
In an unlikely sequel to the equally unlikely movie Snakes On A Plane, Snails On A Plane was top of the bill after a man travelling from Amsterdam tried to bring 36 giant African land-snails into the country.
Border Force officers revealed last week that they discovered the 15cm-long snails when checking the luggage of the passenger, who said they were to be used as food.
The molluscs are now being cared for by an animal rescue organisation after their lucky escape from the frying pan.
Officers seized the snails because live animals require an import licence which the man did not have. The snails, not native to the UK, have shells the size of a small human fist, so not the easiest creatures to smuggle into the country. Unless, of course, you hide them in your escargot pants.
It's been a bad week for ... tombstones
Like the man himself, Jimmy Savile's grave is larger than life. The triple headstone is six-foot wide, four-foot tall, cost £4000 and spans three plots.
The late TV and radio presenter, who was from Leeds, is buried in Scarborough, North Yorkshire – at a 45-degree angle so that he gets a better view of the surrounding countryside.
The ebony-black polished granite memorial is made up of a centre panel with a bronze crucifix and two side panels. Savile's orginal plot was larger than normal anyway because of the size of his gold casket. It was decided to incorporate the two adjoining plots into a single resting place to give fans somewhere to stand while paying their respects and avoid standing on other plots.
A laser etching on one side of the memorial shows a picture taken of Savile around 1965. The image on the other shows him opening the new post office in South Milford four years ago. Beneath is an epitaph the star penned years ago: "It was good while it lasted."
Not so good, however, is the biography that tells of high points in his life.
In gold lettering almost 2cm high, his time as "Chieftan of Lochaber Highland Games" is recalled.
Oops. Surely someone will fix it for him?
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