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deskercise

MY friend Shona says she wouldn't like to live to 100.

I'd like to live as long as possible – I don't like missing out on things. Up until Christmas Day I found it really hard to say no to an invite out. But on Christmas Day I came into possession of the most glorious pair of fake fur-lined slipper-boots (with pompoms) and a dressing gown with a hood. My new indoor garments have led me to discover the virtue of my sofa and of a right good sit upon it. A Google of "Can humans hibernate?" reveals that, yes, they sort of can. I've gone into partial hibernation.

You would think this is a good thing, conserving energy. But this week I read on the BBC that experts believe there is evidence sitting is killing us, "us" being "the human race". Not to be too hyperbolic about it. Apparently, scientific studies show sitting at a desk all day and lounging all night are responsible for obesity, hypertension, hyperlipidemia (Google that later), cardiovascular disease, cancer, low mood and a predisposition to diabetes. Yikes.

What can be done? If you have a desk job, you have a desk job. You can hardly bring in a treadmill for a wee jog at your desk. Wait, what? Oh, you actually can.

In America (of course) you can buy a treadmill desk, on which you may travel nowhere at a brisk 4mph. Lucky workers at Google, Microsoft and Evernote, Hyatt and Marriott, use treadmill desks. For those with phenomenal co-ordination there also exists a stationery bike desk. I get motion sickness pushing my godson on swings. These are not for me.

It is suggested that one stands to take phone calls. That would make the taking of shorthand notes a bit of a beggar.

In one company there is a No Internal Email Day where workers must leave their desks and walk to colleagues. I wonder what happens when they need to send a company-wide email? It could go a bit Chinese whispers.

There's always some mad new fitness craze: I propose Deskercise. There used to be a Herald tradition late at night of trying to get from one end of the office to the other without your feet touching the floor. I've heard it was fairly arduous. A couple of rounds of that would free me up to sit on the sofa at night, hood up and pompoms resting.

Let's see what the editor thinks.

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