It was a select gathering of 30 or so gents with hair growing everywhere but on their heads. The principal speaker was John Shirkie, a local man, who took us on a mesmerising tour of Tarbolton, or Tarbowton as it's known thereabouts. The village's name, explained Mr Shirkie, means a hill on which worshippers gathered to make offerings to their gods. Recently, he said, a group of local teenagers had re-enacted this tradition by setting fire to a Vauxhall Astra. The Diary's army of fact-checkers has been unable to confirm the veracity of this story. Checking with Mr Wikipedia proved futile. However, Mr W does offer the following: "Some language experts have suggested that the word 'Tarbolton' directly translates into 'a sad, dirty place where almost everyone's IQ is below 80'." I suspect foul play, doubtless perpetrated by a resident of nearby Mauchline, which was often referred to in the course of the evening by members of the Bachelors' Club, rarely complimentarily.