PICTURE the scene.
A candlelit restaurant with a starry-eyed couple sitting across from each other idly sipping wine and smiling, their faces bathed in a warm glow as they gaze lovingly into the ... abyss of their respective mobile phones.
Their fingers move with freakish precision over the touchscreens, tagging the location of their chosen eaterie on Facebook for the benefit of jealous friends, posting arty and atmospheric shots of the food on Instagram and live tweeting the evening's events as if it was rolling news coverage - all peppered with teeth grinding hashtags: #dinner #romance #foodie #nomnom #yum.
According to recent research, more than half of gadget owners admit to suffering from anxiety when they can't use their phones. The prospect of a "tech detox" - weaning themselves off their chosen gizmo - is viewed by many as being "as stressful as a trip to the dentist".
The number of people being treated for this addiction is reported to have risen over the past year with around one in eight people in the UK now exhibiting signs of being hooked on electronic devices.
Fret not. Help is at hand with a new website promising to offer the equivalent of a security blanket for phone addicts: a plastic "brick" exactly the same size and weight as an iPhone. Dubbed the noPhone, its creators cheerily boast that the key assets include "no camera, no bluetooth and it can't make calls". It is also "battery-free", "shatterproof" and "toilet bowl resistant".
The enticing sales blurb states: "Never again experience the unsettling feeling of flesh on flesh when closing your hand. The noPhone simulates the exact weight and dimensions of your most beloved gadget in order to alleviate any feelings of inadequacy generated by the absence of a real smartphone."
The designers, who began the site as a spoof to highlight our increasing reliance on our phones, tablets and other such technology, are now said to have cited their intention to manufacture the noPhone for real after huge interest in the gimmick.
It arguably can't come a moment too soon. I currently possess two iPhones - work and personal - (yup, player!) and an iPad all of which beep and light up in sequence like a series of pub puggies whenever an alert comes through. Which is often.
The other week while reading I found myself confusedly swiping away for ages, baffled as to why the page wasn't turning. It was an actual book. Made from paper. As the cool kids might say #epicfail.
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