THE V in Grand Auto Theft V stands for virgin in my case.
Still am in fact, my son not having deigned to let me take the controls as yet. Probably wise.
Whatever missions there are to accomplish will almost certainly be left unaccomplished in my hands. Some trace of my incompetence may be left in Los Santos (the fictional Californian city in which GTA V is set) rendering the game unplayable.
Unless and until you have mastered the whole square/triangle modus operandi (yes, I'm that much of a virgin) it's best not to bother.
Thing is, all I really want to do is get in there and have a walk around. Just watching the trailers online does make it look fabulous. There was a shot of the Californian wilderness that reminded me of those recent photographs of lightning hitting the Grand Canyon.
The action sequences seem like a mash-up of every Bond, Lethal Weapon, Mission Impossible film you've ever seen, coupled with the harder edge of all those cool, sophisticated heist movies.
Yes, the violence gets a bit wearisome at times, and you wonder about desensitisation (if there's such a word). But the whole thing is shot through (shot being the operative word) with such a satirical humour which lays into US society that it makes GTA V a very sophisticated piece of creativity in its own right.
That's the odd thing here. Games like this are cited as one of the reasons why teenage boys don't read. The irony, of course, is that these games do have a lot of writing. They are scripted. There's a degree of back-story. One of the characters is even seeing a therapist, for God's sake.
You almost long for one of them to pick up a book. "Hey, this Ian McEwan is one crazy mother…" Can't you just hear them in HMV: "Which version do you want? X-Box, PlayStation or ManBooker?"
Hard to believe the fuss the burghers of Hawick are making about having a run-down suburb in the game named after their town.
By-passes and senses of humour come to mind. In GTA VI they might have it going for independence. Perhaps they need a visit from the psychotic Trevor to sort them out (sorry - you need to see the trailer). All they need is a wooden pallet in the council foyer for him to bang his head against.
We moderate all comments on HeraldScotland on either a pre-moderated or post-moderated basis. If you're a relatively new user then your comments will be reviewed before publication and if we know you well and trust you then your comments will be subject to moderation only if other users or the moderators believe you've broken the rules, which are available here.
Moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours. Please be patient if your posts are not approved instantly.