IT'S not that I don't feel sorry for men.
Lord knows, it must be a nightmare, trying to navigate the rough seas of relationships when the charts change by the season. The problem, in part, is that not everyone agrees with the charted course. Both women and men can choose channels that do neither sex any favour.
So, I feel sorry for men. It must be difficult to see a woman in the street, or on a bus or at the supermarket, walking or shopping or commuting, and decide you'd like to show your appreciation for her stellar abilities on the shopping, walking or commuting fronts but not know quite how.
A whistle, a hiss, an inducement to smile, a remark passed on her appearance. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to contain these impulsive sentiments.
In an attempt to show how commonplace it is for women to receive such unfiltered attentions, the anti-street harassment organisation Hollaback! commissioned a video in which the actor Shoshana Roberts walks through the streets of New York, stone-faced and in black T-shirt and jeans. Men follow her, appraise her and comment on her body, demanding attention. It's uncomfortable viewing but hardly surprising; it's just what women come to expect from the mean streets of everywhere.
10 Hours of Walking in New York City As A Woman has had about nine million views. For those who watch the video expecting graphic catcalls it is likely a bit of a disappointment. The comments are on the banal side: men shout out things like "beautiful" and "sexy". They get frustrated when ignored: "Somebody's acknowledging you for being beautiful. You should say 'thank you' more," and "You don't wanna talk? Because I'm ugly? We can't be friends, nothing? You don't speak?"
For a short video it has generated ample debate, from those who see nothing wrong with a man showing his appreciation or who flat-out disregard that the problem exists, despite recorded evidence in front of them.
One of the most pernicious gender stereotypes is that men are logical and dispassionate while women are irrational. The response to street harassment plays into this: people undermine its prevalence and impact - isn't it a compliment?
Street harassment is about power, not flattery. It is about asserting empty authority over another person, an easy target.
Part of the power play is that there is no space for a comeback. Shout back - as I do - and you're aggressive. Ignore them and you risk them escalating their behaviour to push for your attention. There's no reasoning with hecklers. Report them and you risk their wrath.
"Smile!" is one of the most infuriating - don't smile and you're a spoilsport, smile and you've given in.
Street harassment is objectification in its most unashamed form. It is part of the all-pervasive, constant assessment of women and girls' appearances. We're supposed to be flattered by the attentions of strangers yet we're supposed to have robust self-esteem, free from the pressures of others.
Objectification feeds the notion that women should always be decorative. We work to meet our financial goals, we study, we have hobbies, we take part in sports, we pursue our interests and we socialise, but evaluations of our appearance in these spheres is to say that women can't live for life's sake: we must be attractive too.
Commentary is not complimentary in this context. Harassment is a man's desire to assert an opinion; there is a fine line between pretty and prey.
A compliment is only such when there is a clear assumption that it will be welcome.
A present is not a gift when it is forced into unwilling hands.
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