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have yourself a Mayan little Christmas

So, that's Christmas sorted then.

Thanks to the good folk who follow the Mayan calendar we've just got until the end of Friday to do whatever it is we still have to do.

You all know the reason. The world is coming to an end, never mind what the lot at Nasa say in their spoiler video. Ha! What do they know? They didn't even land on the Moon.

Followers of the Mayan calendar are easy to spot. For a start, they're a little rushed at the moment. You've probably got some at your place of work. While most of us just have little flip-over desk calendars, these people have a whole stone wall plonked next to their PC with strange inscriptions on it, and their desk is at the top of a kind of flat-topped pyramid which is, frankly, impractical in a modern office.

So, if you're behind with the shopping, no worries! Christmas isn't just going to be late this year; it isn't going to happen at all.

Relax. If you're the poor snowman heading for John Lewis, slow down. The store won't be there. Neither will you. "Flying through the air, da dum dum dumdum dummmm ..." Not for much longer, you're not. Sorry, but there isn't going to be a Miracle on St Vincent Street.

However, if old habits do die hard (Happy Christmas Bruce! Happy Christmas Samuel!), it's very good of the gang from Yucutan to allow us this whole week, including late-night shopping on Thursday. Considerate really. Customer service right to the very end.

Besides, who says they're not Christmassy in their own way?

Michael Bublé has already recorded Have Yourself a Mayan Little Christmas (let the world be gone) and Rod Stewart is releasing a bonus download for his Christmas album which runs: ''Chestnuts roasting on an open fire/Nasa bleating it's not true ... Although it's been said many times, many ways: 'Mayan Christmas to you.'"

Then there's God Rest You Mayan, but this is possibly to flog a dead reindeer. Don't worry Rudolph, Prancer, Blitzen and the rest: you're all being laid off this week. And the big guy too. Well, not just laid off, um, this is kind of hard – you won't exist anymore. Does that explain it?

Some say the big guy never existed in the first place, but at least that's one view we all agree is nonsense.

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