All those long hours hewing pithy phrases at the journalistic coalface and what do we get on arrival at pensionable age?

Demonised for being selfish, that's what.

The bus pass is under threat. And it won't be long before there's a bedroom tax to herd us older folk into small flats and out of the homes we have built up through toil and sweat.

And this cull of "bedroom blockers" will be to no avail. A report by the International Longevity Centre says relocating senior citizens will only make worse the housing shortage for first-time buyers. The report says more must be done to make retirement housing "aspirational". I presume they mean upmarket abodes of a comfortable and luxurious nature. Not a single-end up a non-wally close.

Pensioners of the world unite. If we must downsize, we should also upgrade. Say no to retirement homes with connotations of commodes and antimacassar-covered armchairs. Say yes to a condominium with a hint of pandemonium. Huge flat-screen tellies, HDMI dongles with YouTube videos of all your favourite rock stars.

This is not rage against the dying of the light. This is a determination to have some fun, fun, fun while roaming in the gloaming of the later years.

Life need not be dull in shelter-ville. Residents can get together to mix and match prescription drugs. Pill-popping parties where tablets to relieve and prevent stiffness may be swapped for others with the opposite effect. Tonic wine tastings where a classy aromatic Wincarnis can be compared and contrasted to a cheeky young Buckfast or a full-bodied Sanatogen.

Hell's Angel-style outings on mobility scooters with all the pillion babes in Marianne Faithfull leather gear. Don't just sit and watch as years go by. With no other occupants in your retirement flat, every night is an "empty" and an excuse for a party. Splurge all the money you're saving on gas and electricity on Marks & Spencer ready meals.

Rock'n'roll retirement is all very well but we don't want ghettos for older folk. The generations should mix. Pensionistas might consider the option of taking rooms in these ultra-smart blocks of student flats that are all over the place these days. You may have to sign up at college for a course in the philosophy of hairdressing. But you will get a student discount card.

There can be symbiosis as auld yins show there is life beyond the pot noodle and the young give valuable information as to whether the lift is going up or down. Oldies should be considerate and not play music too loud when younger residents are studying for exams.

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