The TV is on. Some music channel on a commercial break. An ad for some reality TV gubbins is fizzing away. One of the gubbiners pops up onscreen. "Who's that?" J asks. "Ashley Banjo," says daughter number one, who knows this kind of thing.
"Yes. Ashley Banjo. From Diversity. You know? The dancers."
"Oh, that Ashley Banjo," J says. I look at her. "Do you know another one?"
Utterly banjoed, she starts to laugh. I join in. If I'm honest I couldn't have told you who Ashley Banjo was either.
The ads finish and the music starts again. A top 20 countdown. I have no idea who these people are. Chris Malinchak featuring Mikky Ekko? Kiesza? I know it's been a while since I could tell you who was No.1 in the charts but now I don't seem to know anyone in the charts. What has happened to me? Once upon a time I'd have known the names of even minor chart acts. Anyone else still know the singer of Jimmy The Hoover ?
A thought hits me. I am now no longer au fait with pop culture. And it doesn't bother me. I can think of no greater expression of my middle-agedness. Ashley Banjo has shown me what I am. I am "past it".
A young woman called Ariana Grande appears. She looks about 12. Which makes the fact that she is appearing in a video that is a riff on Jane Fonda's opening space strip in her 1968 movie Barbarella all the more disturbing.
"What age is she?" I ask. Daughter number one doesn't know. She's more a hip-hop kid. But young, we agree. Too young to be disrobing in space, quite frankly .
I realise I've already seen two versions of the Barbarella striptease. The original, which I must have seen at some point in my highly impressionable, highly hormonal teenage years, and Kylie's 1995 version which, even though I was quite a bit older, had a similar effect  . But Ariana's version just makes me think: "Keep your clothes on, girl."
I guess I am just feeling paternal. That's my role now. You'd think I should know that, 18 years in. Still, it's become the frame through which I see the world. So it's all very well Miley Cyrus showing us that she's a big girl and comfortable with her sexuality and all that, but really, I worry she'll catch her death swinging around half-naked on that wrecking ball. She's not even wearing a hard hat. Where are the health and safety inspectors when you need them?
 Derek Dunbar. But I had to look it up.
 Turns out Ariana Grande was born in 1993. What age were you in 1993?
 The video for Put Yourself In My Place. She didn't sing it at the Games. Pity.
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