IF you've never seen a micropig then Google image it.

Google image it right now.

If you didn't scrunch your face in delight while imagining exactly how bristly its sweet little forehead will be and how wet its button little nose will be and how silky its disproportionately large ears will be as you smoosh your own face all over these tri-delights then this is not the column for you. See you next week.

If you imagined what it would taste like as you smooshed it into your own face then... ditto.

For the rest of us - squeeeeee!

They didn't stay micro for long, but a new and very little city farm a few streets from my house brought to the neighbourhood two pigs. After a few months of concerted growing, the pigs looked like they could take care of themselves. Their pen-mates caused me a wee bit of anxiety, though.Two pygmy mountain goats. They were so little that just anyone could have leaned over the fence and gone off with them.

But despite the disreputable reputation of the area, no one leaned over the fence and went off with them. What did happen, however, was that folk came from far and wide (well, a few streets to the east and west) to pet them, and the piggies, through the fence and have a wee chat.

One night I saw two quite rowdy young gentlemen - if you were being unkind you would have termed them neds - pause to take a moment with Ivor, Myrtle and the two pigs*. It was clear one had brought the other just for a chance to pet the pets.

The calming influence of animals is well known. At Nottingham Trent students' union (NTSU) a micropig room for anxious students to cuddle up to mini piggers and relieve their stress. This seems a little dicey for the pigs, given students' proclivity to bacon.

Exeter University similarly launched a micropig room earlier in May, while Bristol and Leicester universities drafted in puppies for their soothing pet rooms.

I would demand micropigs for Herald Towers but I'm not sure it's the type of campaign the union would want to back. Back bacon, perhaps, but not backing the introduction of the patter of tiny trotters to the newsroom. How much calmer we'd all be if we could pick up a micropig for a little cuddle, how many deadlines we would miss.

This all makes me wonder what pets do to relax. Keep away from humans, most likely. Perhaps that's good general advice for all mammals.