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I'm just too timid for bidding wars

SOME people have more money than sense.

Not me. I don't have nearly enough of either.

If I had more of the former, and given my minuscule quota of the latter, I might have been tempted to take part in an auction at Silverstone racetrack at the weekend. There, we read in The Herald, some lucky bidder (euphemism intended) managed to secure a Hawker Siddeley Harrier GR3 vertical-take-off-and-landing jet for a mere £105,800; just what you need to beat the ScotRail queues during the Commonwealth Games.

Said aircraft was described as being "in almost time-capsule condition", the next best thing, given its provenance - it saw action during the Falklands conflict, after all - to "one careful lady owner". Well, you wouldn't want one with scratches and a missing cigar lighter, would you?

I note, though, that the buyer was a private collector, which presumably means he (or she) now has more than one, which is ostentation indeed. Must have one helluva big garage.

Still, good luck to the successful bidder. I've never been much cop at auctions, especially on eBay. Only once have I won one - it was for an obsolete BT wifi hub that I wanted for spare parts - and that was because nobody else bid for it.

I'd so love to be a keyboard warrior in the battle for an object of desire. Sadly, though, while the trigger finger may be itchy, it stays inactive, partly because of a shortage of ammunition and partly down to my timidity in the heat of the action.

The trouble is, if the highest bid stands at £2.99, it goes against the grain to bid higher than £3.50. If someone else bids £3.60, I lose my nerve. Heck, If I want to pay far more for something than it's worth, I only have to go to the supermarket.

When I read that some of the props from the Glasgow 2014 opening ceremony were up for auction, I couldn't resist taking a peek. Maybe I could get lucky; maybe there would be a wifi hub-equivalent that nobody else had noticed. But it was too hot for me. With nine hours to go, the highest bid for one of the infamous teacakes was £695; with five days left, a fake cannon was standing at £780; a genuine rugby ball, from the Scotland-New Zealand clash, with a day to go, had reached £715.

You know what? Enough of this nonsense. I'm going to grow a pair, stiffen the sinews and the upper lip, and go back in for a Hawker Siddeley Harrier jump jet.

There's an Airfix one on eBay just now for £7.99. Please, could everyone look away for a week or so?

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