Murray wins a love game all round with marriage

Murray said after his latest triumph: "Marriage has been nice and a lot of people have spoken about the honeymoon period but we've been together a very long time. I've always said if the personal stuff is happy and under control that helps your performance on the court."

I was struck by how rare it is to hear a man ascribing his success to marriage. But there is a truth in it. And it is a truth single men don't hear enough and are not in a position to understand.

So can a simple marriage ceremony cause some alchemical reaction? Is there a difference, in regard to relationships, between living together and tying the knot?

With 50 per cent of babies being born out of wedlock, many see marriage as a dying institution. But should we re-examine what we will lose if we let it go, lest it is more precious than we realize?

Film star George Clooney seems to agree with Scotland's favourite tennis player. He was the world's most sought-after bachelor until his marriage to lawyer Amal Alamuddin last September. He has no regrets.

At a Disneyland Premiere for his film Tomorrowland, the actor said: "All I know is that it sort of changed everything in terms of what I thought my future was going to be. I wasn't completely optimistic about how it was going to work out personally for me. But now I am."

Are both men registering an internal shift? Do they feel they have stepped into a subtly altered reality? If so, their experience is in keeping with evidence that marriage brings a large change in how men see themselves and how they behave.

It chimes with findings by the late sociologist Steve Nock who wrote Marriage in Men's Lives. He contended that, once men commit to marriage, they alter their belief systems about themselves and their wives. They start to see themselves as fathers, protectors and providers.

Their life pattern changes as they work more and spend less time with their friends and more with their family and community. They expect and accept an increased responsibility to care for others.

Nock suggested that, for men to make sacrifices for their partner without feeling resentment, they need to have decided this woman is the one they plan to be with in the future.

By contrast, most women are willing to sacrifice more and earlier in a romantic relationship than the average man.

And why wouldn't men want to marry? By every social measure they benefit. According to the Institute of Family Studies, married men are happier and healthier than bachelors. They live longer and earn more money, even if the marriage is just mediocre. Yet the stereotype of the reluctant male and the more willing girlfriend remains.

Young men say they can reap many marital rewards while staying single. There is little or no social pressure to marry, even from their live-in girlfriend's family. Some fear that, once wed, their wife will tell them what to do.

And she might. But it is observant nudges such as, "you need a holiday; are you really having another drink or I've made a GP appointment for you" that lead to a healthier, happier and longer life.

The other question is to wonder if things are equally good for Kim Sears and Amal Alamuddin and all married women. The evidence suggests that the answer is yes only when the marriage is of a high quality.

Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook and author of Lean In, is mourning the recent loss of her husband. Dave Goldberg died following a fall during a family holiday in Mexico. He was 47 years old. They had been married for 11 years and had two children.

Sandberg's tribute to him spoke of an exceptionally happy marriage. She called him her rock and thanked him for 11 joyful years; for the deepest love, happiest marriage and truest partnership she could imagine. Within it she said she felt deeply understood, truly supported, completely and utterly loved.

She continued: "When I was upset he stayed calm, when I was worried he said it would be okay. When I wasn't sure what to do he figured it out. He was completely dedicated to his children. The world is better for the years my beloved husband lived."

She asked people to remember him by making time to have a meal with their own families.

I have reported her at length because, in the throes of recent grief, Sandberg painted a word picture of the marriage that everyone wants and some achieve. Those who are happily married, like newlyweds Murray and Clooney, will recognise this is what the institution can offer at its best.

I'm sure their combined millions help smooth some of the stresses the rest of us endure. But I still think it's worth our attention.

All too often we read about the bitterness and strife that characterize some divorces. We read about rare criminal husbands who murder or attempt to murder their wives. We see headlines about grasping divorcees. But rarely does anyone articulate the often small comforts, pleasures and supports that keep millions of quietly contented unions on track over decades.

We seldom read what a huge luxury it is to have, at close quarters, a source of guaranteed, loving support. We rarely hear how fantastic it is to have a partner with whom to share the economic cost and emotional demands of raising children; or what a blessing it is to share a roof with someone tolerant of our quirks.

When people lose out to widowhood or divorce it's the simple things like coming in to a silent house that distress them. Esther Rantzen said when she was widowed: "You have plenty of people to do something with but no one to do nothing with.'

We all know that too many marriages fall short but, if and when they become unbearable, at least our society has divorce.

We also know that many couples say they are happy living together and have no desire to marry. That's their choice. But it was interesting and unusual for me to read tributes to marriage from two famous men.

I'll go so far as to say I hope it acts as a spur to many more, especially if it is true that making the commitment brings about a shift in the internal landscape of men.

Marriage brings legal rights, which often benefit women. A decent marriage offers stability to children and support to their mothers when they are growing up. Most importantly it means that an all-important father figure is statistically more likely to be part of their lives.

Murray's message flies in the face of fashion. But because it comes from a young, successful man it will be heard. Because it is further underscored by once-confirmed bachelor Clooney and emphasised by Sandberg's powerful witness, it might also be listened to. I hope so because it's too seldom stated. But, as many ordinary couples can also attest, marriage works.