DESPITE all the money spent on position papers, glitzy launches and the regular trimming of Alistair Darling's eyebrows so as not to frighten the weans and horses, it remains the case that the biggest asset of the No campaign remains those cybernats who support Yes.

Not so much swivel-eyed loons as mouse-clicking bampots, they must surely be in the pay of the anti-independence camp, such is the sterling service they provide. They are not alone, it must be said, in their cyber waywardness. The No camp has similar types, as death threats against Nicola Sturgeon, the SNP deputy leader, attest. But it is the cybernats who are most often caught out using the internet to lambast those they see as opponents.

This time the person in the digital stocks being pelted with rotten fruit is Sir Chris Hoy, six-times Olympic gold medallist. His crime? Trying to keep out of the independence debate. Asked if he knew how he would be voting come September 18, 2014, the athlete with leg-of-mutton thighs said he did, but would prefer not to say so as not to be caught up in a "hornets' nest".

With one shift up the gears he was free. Or so he thought. In going on to say that Scots athletes would find it tougher to reach medal-winning heights if they were outwith Team GB, he collided with the mother and father of all hives. One post said he had gone from being a Scottish hero to being "a traitor". Another called him a "typical Scots Tory naysayer". All that from making an innocuous statement about training facilities.

Susan Calman, comedian of this parish, can presumably sympathise with Sir Chris. She was a previous resident in the stocks, having dared to joke about independence on a Radio 4 quiz show. While she did not quite get the full PG Wodehouse treatment, she was besieged with abusive comments online. It is a rum sort of tactic, trying to capture hearts and minds by going for the throats of individuals who are merely exercising freedom of speech. One wonders if the cybernats, and their ilk in other camps, even begin to realise the damage they do to their cause every time they open their internet browsers and gobs.

The parties certainly do, which is why all such stories – and there will be more before September 2014 – routinely come with opponents of independence urging the SNP to condemn the cybernats, and the SNP and Scottish Government doing precisely that. Yet still the abuse goes on.

Politicians are not exactly innocent parties in this cyberfreak show. They are the ones trying to co-opt celebrities to their cause – Sir Chris said both sides had asked him to back their campaigns – not the other way around. Why this need to turn what is the most important vote Scotland has had in 300 years into the electoral equivalent of Hello! magazine? Why this desire to create a Strictly Come Voting show in which celebrities team up with a political partner of their choice and dance the fandango for our supposed edification?

The first response of politicians to such questions is likely to be "because everyone does it". Celebrities are everywhere, even in politics. As you read this, there is some poor unfortunate in each camp who has been given the task of signing "big names" to the cause. These celebrity detectives scour the papers each morning for clues as to the stance this or that individual might take. Sensing a supporter, a tentative approach is made. Perhaps Mr Star or Ms Showbiz would care to have dinner with a high heid yin, or attend a fundraising event? No pressure, but at some point wouldn't it be super if said celebrity could be available for a campaign event, perhaps a photo with the leader? The celebrities are flattered and keen to show there is more to them than delivering lines from a script or singing a song. The politicians get to replace that dandruff on their shoulders with a sprinkling of showbiz fairy dust. Everybody wins is the theory. In reality, everybody loses, including those celebrities left feeling like mugs when the campaign is over.

One only need revisit the launch of the Yes campaign in May last year to see that celebrities and politics should never mix. Turning down the sound, one can hear the crunch and crack as millions of toes curl as one. The last occasion on which so many cheeks were aflame with embarrassment was Labour's infamous Sheffield rally of 1992. "We're all right!" shrieked Neil Kinnock after various celebrities had given their on-screen blessings. After that, he was anything but all right.

Perhaps lessons have been learned, maybe politicians are now minded to keep celebrities away from the microphones as much as possible. The courting of Sir Chris by both Yes and No camps, however, suggests otherwise. And so the grisly marriage of celebrity and politics continues, despite it always ending in tears and recriminations.

Politicians are having too much fun to ask if any reasonable person was ever influenced in the way they vote by the endorsement of "him off the telly". The truth is that voters do not give a ballot box what celebrities such as John Cleese (made a party political broadcast for the LibDems), or David Tennant (Labour) or Sir Michael Caine (Tories) think when it comes to politics. Unlike politicians, voters adopt a horses-for-courses approach. Just as one would not go into a shoe shop to buy a bunch of roses, so one does not turn to celebrities for reasoned political arguments. It is not their job. By dint of their money or fame they are far removed from the concerns of the rest of us.

It is hard enough to find the facts and hear the arguments without the thoughts of celebrities adding to the din. The September 2014 vote is about deciding what kind of Scotland we want. In a vote that is about the future there can be no better preparation, whatever the outcome, than a campaign that dumps the tired old tactics of the past, starting with celebrity endorsements. No celebrities, please, we're Scottish, and we can think for ourselves.

That is not to bar celebrities from expressing an opinion. They have the same right to do that as everyone else. But if they do not wish to say one way or another – like Sir Chris – that is fine too. We all have the right to privacy up to and beyond entering the voting booth.

If celebrities choose to speak out on behalf of a campaign they should be afforded the same courtesies as anyone else. In short, no death threats, no abuse. Comment on their opinion by all means, let debate flourish, but keep the head and keep it civilised. September 18, 2014, is looming, but so is September 19, and the day after that. Whatever the outcome of the vote, we are too long together to tear ourselves apart.