THE Monty Python team are to be reunited, except of course Graham Chapman, who went the great circus in the sky in 1989.
But Chapman, we discover, thanks to his blog on celestialgum-mumping.com, thinks the comeback idea a bit laughable.
"Come on chaps, have you all taken leave of your senses? I nearly choked on my pipe tobacco when I read of a stage show. On my wreath you wrote: 'To Graham from the other Pythons. Stop us if we're getting too silly.' Well, you are. You're very silly boys. We kicked off Python in 1969 and it worked because it was anarchic. But the idea of 70-something blokes still being cutting edge is as likely as Babs Windsor having her top whipped off in a frozen field. Even Sid James wouldn't manage a leer. (Incidentally, Sid's the life and soul up here.)
"Look, chaps, I know Esther has made headlines this week, arguing the elderly in our world need to have a voice, to be celebrated, blah-blah. And it's a lovely argument because while none of us looked forward to old age, it's preferable to the alternative which is not getting the chance to grow old. And I know this for a fact.
"But old comedy isn't necessarily better. Do you honestly think the Lumberjack sketch could play out today? Canadian transvestites will be burning their bras! Do you honestly think our poverty-cardboard-box sketch would work? (You couldn't even parody fuel poverty; you all live in mansions.)
"Nostalgia TV can work, but only when it's completely new, such as Mrs Brown. That's why I think David Jason is bonkers to bring back Open All Hours. Granville without Arkwright? It would be like Harold without Albert Steptoe. (You know this pair are still fighting up here.) And as for a Birds of a Feather come back? Can the Dorian character still be a sex beast? I'm not being bitchy here, loves, but will it not all look a little lumpy? Helen Mirren she ain't.
"Look John, I know you've seen more fleecing than Jason and the Argonauts. And Terry, you've still got a mortgage? But Michael, it can't be money with you. And Eric, you're minted after Spamalot. And you once said a reunion would come about only if I came back from the dead. Well, my agent hasn't even seen the contract yet.
"So here's my final word, darlings. Don't do it under any circumstances. Keep the memory of avant garde TV alive, of a time when we were all lovely, daring young men who often couldn't stand each other, but still loved each other. But if you do go ahead, I still want a credit."
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