A HOLYROOD colleague likened Alex Salmond's demeanour at the publication of the GERS statistics on Wednesday to the description by Samuel Pepys of Major General Thomas Harrison as he was about to be hung, drawn and quartered:

"He was looking as cheerful as any man could do in that condition."

So what would be the Salmond demeanour for the inevitable re-run at First Minister's Questions? Much the same, if truth be told, cheerful with a stiff measured defiance.

It is said that once he'd been hanged for a bit, and having had his "privy members" cut off, and with his entrails hanging out, the Major General felt provoked and took a swing at the executioner, prompting his swift beheading. The most out of hand things get these days is an STV debate or a dressing down by Tricia Marwick.

There was a grim inevitability about FMQs. Oh, how our hearts sank as the SNP got their retaliation in first - from James Dornan to John Swinney regarding Standard & Poor's recent positive assessment of the Scots economy. We knew it was a patsy question because the Finance Secretary said so, calling it a "fair and dispassionate point".

We were less than thunder-struck, when Johann Lamont opened on the GERS figures - a £12 billion deficit, equivalent to the NHS budget, a £4bn fall in oil revenue, the size of the budget for schools, the need for hiked taxes or slashed spending.

But then, to less surprise, came the Salmond response, identical to the day before, highlighting that if the figures were taken over five years they fit the Nation-alist scenario with Scotland £8bn better off over the period relative to the UK, equivalent to £1600 for every adult and child.

By now Ms Lamont was getting her dander up. "Are you relaxed at having a £4bn loss? I'm not even asking difficult questions like the currency, the groat, the bawbee or whatever."

It's probably never a great idea for a Scots politician to use mock-ing terms such as the groat or bawbee. That's our job in the meedja. Salmond interpreted thus: "Telling Scots we are too poor will get you a giant raspberry."

And so it went on. Ruth Davidson went on GERS. Willie Rennie went on GERS. This year's poor show kept getting the response that measured over years produced a different picture. Sod the "broad shoulders" of the UK, Salmond said: "How can oil be a huge advantage for the UK but a huge burden for Scotland?"

By the time Mr Rennie stepped up we were losing the will to live. It was going to take burned privy members or ripped out entrails for us to take notice. Sadly, none was forthcoming. Ms Marwick would have ruled it out of order.