It's been a tough few weeks for David Cameron, but at least someone has a handle on things.

That someone is none other than Andy Coulson, the former Downing Street head of communications and News Of The World editor currently awaiting trial on charges related to phone hacking. You might think he would have enough to think about, but the ever faithful Mr Coulson has been watching the Prime Minister's shaky progress from the sidelines and feels his guidance is required.

Alarmed perhaps by the PM's recent impression of a supply teacher hiding from pelters behind an upturned desk, Mr Coulson has called for Mr Cameron's team to wheel out the big gun: Samantha Cameron herself. According to the former spin doctor, Samantha needs to make more appearances as the Prime Minister's loving wife in a bid to help her hubby hold on to the keys of Number 10. He has warned that Mrs Cameron is "badly needed in the trenches", where the PM is holed up under fire from Ukip on one side and his own backbenchers on the other.

The worry is that Tory Central Command might actually follow his advice, and then what? It might be all right if Operation Sam Cam involved Mrs C giving voters insights into the workings of her husband's mind from the breakfast TV sofa ("Well, Louise, Dave totally believes we should ease up on all those spending cuts. He nods at the TV every time Ed Balls is on, but he can't bear to tell Gideon. Oops!").

But no, obviously not. When politicians' wives are deliberately deployed, the last thing campaign managers want them to do is talk about politics. The intention is to make us doltish voters like them, admire their ability to pull off tweed or a particularly difficult shade of green, be touched by their devotion, and think better of their husbands as a result. It's all quite eye-poppingly retro, particularly where Conservative wives are concerned.

Since arriving at Downing Street, Mrs Cameron has thankfully maintained a relatively low profile and been written about principally for what she wears, taking a bit of stick recently for her air hostess get-up at Mrs Thatcher's funeral, when she wore a pussy bow blouse and a pill box hat.

And that's fine. Why should she have a high profile? She was not on the ballot paper. British voters dislike unelected people around prime ministers, including spouses, trying to use their position to push their own agendas.

And yet now Mr Coulson reckons Mrs Cameron should be used as part of a deliberate strategy to influence voters. It's all terribly silly. After all, her approachable manner tells us nothing about how effective her husband would be at renegotiating the terms of Britain's membership of the European Union and her choice of shoes has no bearing on David's commitment to tackling youth unemployment. Yet her presence is deemed crucial to campaign success.

It's an approach aimed at that phantom phenomenon termed the "women's vote". Obviously it's patronising to voters, and women in particular, but the worst thing of all about deploying wives in this way is that it makes voters care even less. It implies that citizens need delve no more deeply into the issues in an election than they would for a TV talent show, simply choosing an act depending on their outfit or the way they smile. The way we vote in elections has always been subject to whims, but there's no need to encourage it.

Mr Coulson did have one reasonable suggestion, that Mrs C might become an adviser behind the scenes and even help ensure that when her husband talks about families he doesn't forget the single parent variety. That would be no bad thing. What she gets up to privately is up to her of course, but she'd be doing us all a favour by not trying to use her wifely devotion to influence the next election.