It's a vacant see.
Pope don't work there any more. Why am I reworking the lyrics of a 1978 hit by American soul group Rose Royce to describe current events at the Vatican? It's mostly because I am fond of elaborate puns. But partly because there has been a call to elect a pontiff who's got talent.
Cardinal Theodore McCarrick said the new Pope must be able to get the Church's message across. "You don't necessarily need a rock star, but you need someone who can talk to young people," said the 82-year-old retired bishop of Washington.
Pope Benedict started the modernisation process by opting for retirement. The Vatican administration should now consider further makeovers for the post. Like, does it have to be filled in-house? Just a thought but why not head-hunt Barack Obama. A great communicator and the first black Pope in one fell swoop.
Nit-picking traditionalists will point out that Mr Obama is not a cardinal, is married and is a Protestant. As far as I know, any Catholic, cardinal or not, may be appointed. A married Pope would be a start in doing away with that old-fashioned celibacy rule.
Let's not forget that Protestants are basically Catholics who fell out with the head office regime in Rome. A Presbyterian Pope would be a great ecumenical step forward. Yes, Mr Obama already has a job but I'm sure he could fit in being Catholic CEO with his presidential duties.
Some other changes long overdue: The Pope's working clothes. Time to put away the frocks. Especially the lacy, embroidered numbers. (Not entirely appropriate outfits for lecturing your fellow man on sexual orientation.)
Cardinals, bishops and the lower ranks should follow suit and wear suits. Unless they are Scottish and may wear the kilt. Or unless they are female cardinals, bishops and priests. Another change devoutly to be desired.
Is the Pope infallible? Probably not. But the Pope is inflatable. A Motherwell fan once took a blow-up papal doll to a match at Ibrox. It was let down by a steward.
Also, no Italian Pope this time. Nothing against Italians, but they've had their share over the centuries.
One tradition I would keep are the puffs of smoke from the Vatican during the election process. It's so much more interesting than text or email.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article