FOR all the babble about politics never being the same again after the referendum, First Minister's Questions was strangely familiar.

Alex Salmond was still playing the FM-inator, slaying all comers with mechanical efficiency, Johann Lamont was still understudying for somebody decent, Ruth Davidson wasn't bad but remained an accursed Tory, and apple-cheeked nipper Willie Rennie was still being patronised horribly by that nasty big man at the front.

Seemingly bored with winning last week, Ms Lamont wasted no time reviving her losing streak by demanding answers about the secret privatisation of the country's medical records. This was based on a press report about £1.6 million of new software for GPs.

Mr Salmond, she claimed, was the biggest privatiser of the NHS in Scottish history.

"Er, no, it's an IT system," said the FM.

"It's like saying this parliament is being privatised because we use Windows."

The mute tiers of Labour MSPs said it all.

Never healthy, Ms Lamont's line of attack was already in critical condition.

"Perhaps the First Minister could break the habit of a lifetime and indulge in a little truth-mongering?" she tried.

But Mr Salmond only teased her about rumours she is soon to be replaced as Labour leader.

"Don't worry," she gasped. "When the FM is long gone I'll still be doing my job."

But when a political leader has to deny there's a coup afoot, they're in deep trouble.

Ms Lamont isn't quite Ceausescu waving from the balcony, but all she needs is a balcony.

"I hope she continues as opposition leader for some considerable time," Mr Salmond went on.

"If so, it won't be because of the enthusiastic support of her own colleagues."

As Labour MSPs tried to drown him out, the FM simply bawled the names of Ms Lamont's rivals.

"Jim Murphy, Anas Sarwar," he yelled into the din. "I'm not as pessimistic about the prospects of the Labour Party as the Labour Party," he roared.

It fell to Ruth Davidson to silence Ms Lamont's tormentor with a line on his replacement.

"That's why we need a woman's touch," she said.

When even the Tories are moved to help a Labour leader, you know the vital signs on the monitor aren't good.

As they say on Holby City, "Beeeeeeeeeeep!".