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Scotland - where silence is golden

THERE are some professions whose top practitioners I can only stand back and admire; I'm thinking here of such intellectual giants as rocket scientists, nuclear physicists and marketing directors.

Actually, scratch that first one: with a bit of googling, networking and swotting, I might be able to bluff my way through a rocket science convention.

And come to think of it, I suppose splitting the atom is old hat now.

It does, however, take a special kind of razor-sharp intellect to turn negative into positive, and that's just what the team at VisitScotland have done.

The Herald reported yesterday that they are to turn Scotland's useless mobile phone coverage into a selling point which will entice those seeking "digital isolation"; the organisation's Chris Einstein, sorry, Greenwood, said: "There seems to be more and more pressure on some people to be able to answer an email or take a work call when away on holiday.

"There are several parts of Scotland ... that offer the chance to have real digital isolation. People can make a virtue of the fact there is no phone signal or internet access and use it in the way they promote the fact they are in a really natural environment where you can get away from it all."

This is genius. It inspired me to pick the brains of one of the country's top marketing gurus (contacted through an industry website, www.justmakeupanyoldtosh.com).

He has helped me radically alter my mindset. By way of example:

l I now consider myself blessed to live in a country where you never have to worry about there being a drought.

l I am fortunate that my national football team will never put me through the nerve-shredding ordeal of a penalty shoot-out.

l My arithmetical skills have been immeasurably improved through following the fortunes of my national rugby team.

l My car is environmentally friendly (largely because it only starts once in every five attempts; for the same reason, it also promotes healthy exercise).

l The bus windows aren't dirty; they're just privacy-enhanced.

l By following the Hibs I save all that expense other fans have to put out on foreign travel.

l I need never worry about insom­nia, as long as ITV4 is on Freeview.

Remember, every cloud should have a silver lining; but if it doesn't, it'll be good for the garden.

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