THE strangest Valentine's Day I ever spent was in the A&E department of a Glasgow hospital with a suspected blood clot.
As the hours passed, I listened agog from behind a cubicle curtain as the walking wounded began to show up.
One man had sliced the top off his finger while cooking a surprise dinner for his wife who, in turn, had arrived home to find the kitchen looking like a scene from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and her new cream hall carpet ruined.
Then there was the raft of chaps stumbling through the doors with various scalds from mishaps while straining pasta and one poor unfortunate soul who had rubbed his eyes after chopping chillies.
A woman turned up with a nasty burn after her boyfriend's well-meaning attempt to serve a romantic meal ended with him accidentally spilling boiling hot home-made gravy all over her hand.
Love is a battlefield at the best of times so why not give the nation's already hard-working doctors and nurses a break this February 14?
With Scotland's Year of Food and Drink under way there are plenty of culinary ideas to help fan the flames of ardour without risking life and limb in the kitchen.
The Royal Yacht Britannia in Edinburgh is offering a five-course dinner peppered with luxury trimmings.
It's certainly not cheap at £3500 per couple but comes with chauffeur-driven Range Rover direct to the quayside, a selection of vintage Champagnes and wines, classical string duo performing during dinner and a fireworks display to end the evening.
Afterwards, guests will be whisked away to spend the night at the five-star Gleneagles Hotel where a butler service and massage in the award-winning spa await.
For those who prefer their Valentine's Day with a titillating side of fun, Saint Judes in Glasgow is offering a package which includes cake and cocktails before being treated to a burlesque performance by the infamous Miss Hell's Belle.
The lady herself will then share her secret seduction techniques in an exclusive masterclass.
If the great outdoors is more your thing, Perthshire-based Highland Safaris can tailor the perfect intimate bolthole experience: a bottle of bubbly in a remote mountain bothy.
Valentine's Day is February 14. For information on Scotland's Year of Food and Drink, log on to visitscotland.com
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