ONE of the biggest disappointments of my childhood years came at Easter.
For weeks I had coveted a giant Cadbury's Creme Egg in the local supermarket.
I pictured myself sitting on the living room carpet scooping out the gooey, sticky sweetness with the big ladle my mother used for serving soup. It was going to be sublime. I was glassy-eyed thinking about it.
So imagine my dismay when Easter Sunday arrived and I cracked open that bad boy to discover, well, nothing. It was a hollow chocolate shell.
The two normal-sized Creme Eggs which accompanied it offered little solace. I traipsed back to the kitchen and dejectedly replaced the ladle in the drawer.
By the time I returned, the dog had wolfed down the lot, packaging and all, and was looking thoroughly delighted with herself. It was the cruellest of moments.
Nor did I feel any better when I was reacquainted with the stolen goods only moments later when the greedy pooch promptly regurgitated it. Nothing says Easter like the good fireplace rug being turned into a fetid chocolate swamp.
According to a new survey, the average child will receive £56 worth of Easter eggs and consume 8,000 calories of chocolate over the coming days.
The research found parents spend an average of £25 on each child, while family members and friends fork out a further £31.
How many of these eggs will lead to bitter anti-climax or be guzzled by pets (and parents) is not stated. I imagine it is a lot.
Come to think of it, I'm not that fond of Easter. As much as I love all the trappings (bank holidays, licence to eat to excess) there are many occasions where it has left me with egg on my face.
Like the time my Sunday school class had to stand up and say what we enjoyed most about attending church. While everyone else reeled off reasons like "to learn about Jesus" and "to sing my favourite hymns", I piped up with "for the juice and biscuits at the end".
The ensuing stony silence which fell upon the packed pews still haunts me. Suffice to say my Sunday school career was short-lived.
Then there is the tradition of decorating hard-boiled eggs. While a dab hand with the paints and rolling them down a hill, as a youngster the thought of eating one turned my stomach.
One year I hatched the cunning plan of feeding the hard-boiled eggs to the dog, but her canine digestive system swiftly betrayed me and a rank, sulphuric smell began to seep from her perch under the table as we were eating Sunday lunch.
Is there an Easter equivalent of bah humbug?
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article