It's been a good week for … tattoo detractors

It's been a good week for … tattoo detractors

There is, they say, no fool like an old fool; and perhaps none more foolish than an old fool trying to be cool.

"Manning up", David Dimbleby called it when he went under the needle. What hope is there for mere mortals when the grand-daddy of British broadcasting gets a tattoo at the age of 75?

"It's a dream come true for me," he said of the body art he acquired while making the maritime series Britain And The Sea, which airs on BBC One tonight.

During filming, Dimbleby was given the chance to have a tattoo while looking into how body art was introduced to the UK as a result of Captain Cook's South Sea travels. He turned down the offer and had a black pencil mark put on his body, but changed his mind when he saw a preview of the film. "I thought it was wimpish having it just drawn on and I needed to man up," he said.

Oh, please. Is it really that macho to have a permanent picture inked on to your skin? Sadly, the young - and not-so-young - of today think it is. And they've not even been to sea. But perhaps Dimbleby's folly will mark a turning point and finally render today's tattoo fad unfashionable. (Come on, young people: even Sam Cam's got one. How is that cool?). Perhaps there is hope at last for prudish parents who live in fear of adolescent inking.

The piercings are bad enough, but at least they heal. I told myself this when my son appeared home with his lug adorned, aided and abetted by a pal equipped with a cork and an ice cube.

The eyebrow was next. As I struggle to come to terms with that particular image statement, I repeat the mantra: it'll heal up when good sense prevails. I remind myself that it is his face, after all - even if the rest of us still have to look at it.

A tattoo, unfortunately, is less easily expunged. But no amount of advice seems to penetrate the mind of a teenager. The saving grace is that procuring one is reserved for over-18s. I have six months left to continue my anti-tat mission. Perhaps I can persuade him to wait until he's 75.

It's a bad week for … arachnids

And another word of advice on tattoos: get your facts right prior to inking.

It transpires that the Dimbleby tattoo has rewritten zoological history.

He chose to emblazon his shoodie with a scorpion to represent his star sign. Obviously his horoscope wasn't up to much at the time, because his tattoo is two legs shy of the full complement of eight. But he has ruled out having the beastie corrected, which brings to mind my favourite tattoo howler: "No regerts."