DRESS this one up how you like, but the so-called Hyperloop train - the latest project from US entrepreneur and PayPal founder Elon Musk - is essentially a giant, even-more-expensive-than-a-Dyson, vacuum cleaner.
And that's the problem. Yes, it will apparently whisk you from one end of California to the next before you've even stowed your gun, but how's it going to deal with the skirting boards and those corners on the stairs and that bit at the corner of cooker where those little pieces of naan bread seem to have their own private party.
Yes, we've all read the reports and seen the snazzy graphics and felt a little frisson of excitement at the prospect of being held in a cushion of air - but what about the fluff and the dog hairs? Who's going to unblock them? And you know you should have picked up that paperclip. That was just lazy. Now you can hear it rattling around like a berserk, metallic bluebottle.
Where do you get the new bags from and how do you fit them? Just what is the purpose of that little sliding panel near where you hold it when you do the stairs? So many questions - this Musky fellow just hasn't thought it through.
We're told that passengers will sit in a capsule that will then be sucked along a giant pipe, rather in the way your bread crumbs are - unless the dog gets to them first. And how he tries.
He still hates the vacuum cleaner, of course. It remains a breed of dog he doesn't recognise with a fearsomely long tail and not so much a bark but a constant roar. Down Dyson, down.
Nothing is said about acceleration and the attendant problems. Drinking latte when you pull out of Central is bad enough; imagine doing this at 760mph.
Passengers will apparently experience "slightly more than the force of gravity". This is a polite way of saying that your brand new iPad will now feel like an iSlab.
The worst aspect though seems to be the lack of windows. Perhaps they think that trying to focus on anything at that speed will be dangerous.
We've all watched people's eyes manically dance back and forth as they try to focus on a station name.
No, the lack of windows is to prevent the plug smashing through them when station staff put their foot on the flex button…
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