Those sheep dug from the snow have been on my mind.
It's been oddly moving seeing them wriggle their way out, shake themselves down, get a hug from the farmer. They're obviously a lot tougher than we all thought. Which is why, at this grim time for our country, with austerity biting and the threat of nuclear war hovering over us, surely the first attempt to climb Everest by British sheep should now be undertaken.
Just imagine it! What would lift the spirits more than a crack squad of Galloway's finest, bleating their way across the Khumbu Icefall en route to the Western Cwm. Oxygen? Sleeping bags? Kendal mint cake? Baaaaa! This lot aren't bothered! Trit-trot, trit-trot, great shaggy coat wobbling away (just ignore the dangly, matted together bits – disgusting, but that's sheep for you)-another thousand feet done-trit-trot, trit-trot, easy this, what's all the fuss?
It's a stirring prospect. This would be Team GB and then some. Meet the Super Ruminants. Cairn do, will do!
Maybe La Balding could go with them, for the documentary. They'd flock to her, like lambs to the daughter. Admittedly, every now and then it might get a bit trickier, but our plucky Blackfaces know how to deal with it. "Crevasse!" the leader cries in Sheep every now and then (it sounds remarkably like "Baaa!"), and within minutes they've bitten all their collective matted bits together – sorry – and formed a bridge to swing themselves across. It would be a Ewe Tube sensation (more apologies).
Come nightfall they simply bury themselves in the snow – just like home! – only here they don't have to worry about the wretched foxes.
At first light, they're up and about, enjoying the view, nibbling on the odd prayer flag that floats their way and before you can say "Chomolungma, Goddess Mother of the World", they're at the South Col ("Come on, Clare!" they bleat. "We haven't got all day!"). From there, it's just a short scuttle up to the South Summit and on to the top.
After the photos ("Make sure you get my horns in") comes the call from Cameron. "We're going to put you on Trident, boys. It's like a barn, only underwater and much warmer. When we're in Korean waters, we're going to drop you by nightfall and we want you to put the wind up this Farmer Kim chap. Is that understood?"
"Baaa."
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