It's been a good week for … not being a spy

It's been a good week for … not being a spy

In a time of pervasive paranoia and rampant distrust, a stranger in town is sure to set net curtains twitching.

When Charles Rennie Mackintosh moved to a seaside village of Walberswick in Suffolk during the First World War, the locals soon became suspicious. Who was this dark stranger with a thick, guttural accent and a penchant for nocturnal walks along the shore? The villagers were convinced he was German infiltrator.

Proof came one evening when the Scottish artist was trying to fix a lamp. The flashing involved was evidently a clandestine signal to enemy ships. The man must be a spy. Rennie Mackintosh was detained by the constabulary and locked up overnight. When he appeared in court a week later, he was told "never to darken our coastline again".

Now the English village has finally apologised to the Charles Rennie Mackintosh Society for branding the Scot a spy. Former mayor for the area, Michael Ladd, has issued a formal apology, saying it was all "an unfortunate end" to what was otherwise an enjoyable stay in the village.

Ladd added: "We are now very proud of our association with this great architect and his wife."

The smart money is on a gift shop selling Art Nouveau-esque tat opening in Walberswick any day now.

It's been a bad week for … worms

A pungent aroma has been hanging over Scotland's home of rugby. The odour in question? Garlic. And not a French team in sight.

It has emerged that ground staff at Murrayfield have been spraying the pitch with the malodorous allium in a bid to eradicate an infestation of nematodes, also known as roundworms, that damage the grass's root structure.

SRU director of management services Mark Laidlaw said: "We've worked with some of the leading experts in this area to examine and treat one of the best surfaces in world rugby using natural remedies, including the spraying of garlic."

Garlic is, of course, renowned as a handy tool for warding off vampires. Nematodes are equally renowned for being hard to kill. Is there something we're not being told? Has our other national game been infiltrated by a dose of the undead?

Laidlaw added: "The ground staff will continue their efforts to develop and consolidate the root structure and hope to return the pitch to the standard we all expect to see at the national stadium."

In the meantime, the team will be hoping for opposition from players as spineless as the present visitors. Or maybe a squad of zombies.