Here's today's question.
What do you think of collarbones? Anything? Anything at all. No, me neither. It's possible I've never given them a serious thought in 50 plus years.
Daughter Number Two has, though. Daughter Number Two hates them. "They're so eeewwy," she tells me with a rare eloquence. "Plus, my friend broke hers and it pops out now and then."
I don't ask her where it pops out to. I'm still trying to get my head around the idea that anyone could have a strong opinion about collarbones. I can understand said daughter's dislike of spiders [1], but collarbones? Why would anyone have an antipathy to them?
I guess if I'd ever broken one they would maybe figure more highly in my anatomical sense of self. But as I've only ever broken my wrist [2] that doesn't apply.
I suppose, too, there may well be people reading this who reckon the collarbone is one of the erotic highpoints of the human body. People who will swoon over the sight of a well defined clavicle casually exposed. It's fashionable now, I'm told. I've always been more of an eyebrows man myself. Each to his or her own.
Of course, ever since Daughter Number Two revealed her particular distaste I keep coming back to it. For the first time in my life I have been thinking about collarbones. Mostly about how little I know about them. I don't even know what they collar if I'm honest.
So I look it up. Ah, they attach the scapula and the sternum. I see. Sort of. Remind me, what's a scapula again?
I'm telling J about all this later. What bit of the human body do you not like?" I ask her. "Feet," she says before I can finish the question. She then goes into a digression about "maggoty toes" so disgusting I can't finish dinner.
But, really, feet don't bother me either. (The word "maggoty" however ...) I'm starting to think there's something lacking in me. Does everyone have bits of the body they don't like? Apart from me?
A memory of an old Open University programme pops into my head. About the 16th-century anatomist Andreas Vesalius. I saw it nearly 25 years ago but I still remember it vividly. BBC4 should repeat it. In fact I'm just waiting for BBC4 to devote a whole night to Open University programmes. If anyone from the Beeb is reading I'd be happy to be a consultant. I don't charge much.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. Vesalius. In his seminal text, the Fabrica, Vesalius described the human body as "this true book of ours". It's a memorable image, especially for a bookworm like me. But the more I think of it the more I wonder would you want to read the human body? Fine if you're just skimming across the surface. Just touching the cover as it were. But you wouldn't really want to open it up, would you? Cut it open and wipe the gunk off the collarbones?
Ah, there's my body issue, I suddenly realise. It's with all the icky stuff that we keep inside.
[1] But I don't think - as she does - that their little spider legs are going to stab me.
[2] I still get the odd twinge but it's fine most of the time. Thanks for asking.
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