This was a long election campaign but it was so entertaining

Paxo was horribly patronising to Ed Miliband for being a "North London geek", and even asked him after the interview if he was "feeling okay". Was he "tough enough" to be prime minister?"Hell Yes", said Mr Miliband, trying not to sound like an out-take from Wallace and Gromit's Wrong Election.

Oh how the Tories laughed. This was going to be a walkover for smoothy David Cameron and his chums. But it rapidly turned into a near electoral disaster.

In Holywood romantic comedies it's always the slightly geeky guy who gets the girl in the end, not the flash-cash bullies. Milifandom and Milibae: the movie websites emerged as young women started expressing a collective crush on the Labour leader. People noticed that he could actually string two words together.

Mr Cameron and co couldn't believe it. Their costly election guru, Lynton "Bing" Crosby, hadn't warned them of this. The script said that voters could never elect as their prime minister a man who couldn't eat a bacon roll.

The Tories retaliated by claiming that Mr Miliband was a Nationalist stooge and posted pictures on the internet of the Labour leader in Alex Salmond's pocket.

Who can forget that encounter on the Andrew Marr TV show between Mr Salmond and "terrified" Tory MP Anna Sourby? She backed away from him on the studio couch as if he was an axe murderer.

How long ago that seems. The SNP then sneakily hid Mr Salmond away in deepest Gordon and replaced him with lots of pictures of Nicola Sturgeon holding babies. Has there ever been a more baby-friendly election?

Ms Sturgeon played dirty in the TV debates by sounding like an intelligent human being. This was outrageous. She was condemned by the Tory press as "the most dangerous woman in Britain".

But Britain seemed to like living dangerously. Ms Sturgeon ended the election campaign, according to the Herald TNS poll, as the most popular leader in the UK. That group hug with Plaid's Leanne Wood and Greens leader Natalie Bennett had a lot to do with it.

This wasn't going to plan. The Tories wheeled out their secret weapon: Boris Johnson. He compared Ms Sturgeon to King Herod, Lady Macbeth and a "voracious weevil" all in the same speech. It was hard pounding.

Then John Major shook British politics to its foundation by making a speech. Who's he?wondered the voters.

The former Tory prime minister warned that a coalition between Ms Sturgeon and Mr Miliband would be a marriage made in hell and would destroy democracy.

Confusingly, the Daily Telegraph had already told its readers that the First Minister secretly wanted Mr Cameron to win the election. It claimed the French ambassador had said this to the French Consul General who'd then told a civil servant, who thought the meaning had probably been lost in translation, but drafted a memo about it anyway that was leaked by the Scotland Office.

Almost before the story hit the streets if was denied by Ms Sturgeon on Twitter, then by the French Ambassador, the French Consul General and everyone else in the food chain. Alistair Carmichael, the Scottish Secretary, said that these things "just happen".

The press didn't have a good election. The Sun was widely ridiculed for backing the Tories in England and the SNP in Scotland - on the same day. Scottish voters were appalled by headlines about Scots "holding England to ransom".

The Tory papers said it would be "illegitimate" for Mr Miliband to do deals with SNP MPs, but fine for him to do deals with the Northern Ireland DUP MPs. Mr Miliband as Prime Minister backed by the Nationalists would be "Ajockalypse Now" said Mr Johnson.

The message seemed to be that it was all very well having Scotland remain in the Union, just so long as Scottish MPs didn't vote against a Tory government. On the plus side, Scotland has never figured so prominently in a UK general election before.

Russell Brand had a good election. Mr Miliband's much-derided decision to grant the comedian an interview boosted Labour's appeal among Brand's five million followers. The Labour leader also persuaded the Trews presenter that it was quite a good idea to vote in elections; result all round.

As the weeks dragged on with no movement in the polls, Call-me-Dave was accused of lacking energy and fighting spirit. He confirmed this by going on a shirt-sleeved tour telling every one that he was "pumped".

In Scotland, Labour was pumped - but not in a good way. Jim Murphy started shouting over everyone in the television debates and generally acting like a pub bore. BBC's Sunday Politics Leaders' Debate was officially the worst in broadcasting history. Strangely this did not improve Mr Murphy's popularity ratings.

Now, columnists like me had been telling Scottish voters to disregard the SNP's opinion poll figures. "Unreal"; "totally insane"; and "absolute hog-whimpering bampottery". Everyone knew that the polls would swing to Labour as soon voters heard about how daft Full Fiscal Autonomy was.

But it was not to be. The Murphy bounce was down not up. One poll said that that the SNP would take every seat in Scotland. Some Labour MPs responded by suggesting that Tories should vote tactically for them, which made the SNP's day.

Labour hoped for a last-minute reprieve as Sean Clerkin confronted Mr Murphy in a loud-speaker shoot-out in central Glasgow. This became known as the "Battle of St Enoch's Square ".

The ugly side of nationalism had finally been revealed, said Labour, the Tories and the LibDems. But the voters were too busy taking selfies with Ms Sturgeon to notice. JK Rowling then said she had been abused during the referendum. Journalists said they were being bullied.

But there was a twist to the cyber tale. Solero girl, Kate Adamson, who appeared in a 1999 press photograph sucking Alex Salmond's iced lolly, launching a thousand lewd internet jokes, was discovered by The Herald to be living in Australia.

Everyone thought it was a jolly jape until Ms Adamson started talking about "manipulation" and said that her image had attracted "misogynistic, sexual and aggressive abuse". Strangely, this didn't get the coverage accorded to JK Rowling's referendum abuse from cybernats. This may not have been unconnected with the fact that Solero girl likes the SNP.

In the dying hours of the campaign, there has been an air of panic at Westminster as the press realised to its horror that Mr Miliband might actually win. Non-doms have been escaping in small boats. Plutocrats have been hoarding diamonds. Barricades are being erected around Eton.

Mr Cameron has promised to occupy Downing St rather than allow Mr Miliband to become Prime Minister on the strength of SNP votes. It could be the most unstable election aftermath since the days of Irish Home Rule.

My prediction? After a lot of noise and nonsense, a Labour-Liberal Democrat coalition with SNP support on confidence motions. But then, I'm usually wrong.