LOVE is never having to say you're sorry.
Cynicism is apologising when someone pays you to.
A case in point is Mike Tyson. He and Evander Holyfield were bitter rivals back in the day - to the extent that Tyson infamously bit off the top of Holyfield's ear in a world title fight in 1997.
Now, at last, Iron Mike has said sorry. Admittedly, though, it's a fictional apology. In a new US commercial for Foot Locker, he is seen giving Holyfield his ear back. In the ad, a dream sequence shows Tyson turning up Holyfield's door, presenting him with a small box. "I'm sorry, Evander. It's your ear," he says. "I kept that in formaldehyde."
Holyfield, surprisingly, doesn't say "Eh? What?" or grumble about not having been able to wear spectacles all these years. He smiles and gives him a hug. So all's well that ends well.
The power of the modern-day Mad Men shouldn't be underestimated. For the word is that through the magic of television, they've been revisiting history and have set a few more wrongs to right in the name of Mammon. Some previews are available ...
l It is July 30, 1966. The World Cup Final is into extra time. In the 102nd minute, Geoff Hurst shoots from close range. The ball hits the crossbar and bounces down. Referee Gottfried Dienst consults linesman Tofik Bakhramov, who mouths: "No goal." West Germany race up the park, and Gerd Muller scores the winner.
This, though, has unfortunate consequences. We scroll forward 100 years to widespread grumblings that English commentators never miss an opportunity to mention 1966 and bleat: "We were robbed." Even during the Eurovision Song Contest.
l The sign on the office door reads: "A&R, Full Moon Records". A suit is on the phone. "Listen, Joe," he snarls, "Shaddup You Face is a novelty record. It's ideal for Christmas. And that's when we're gonna release it." We cut to Midge Ure raising a glass to his lips when it is announced that Vienna has now managed to hit the No 1 slot.
l An immaculately coiffured lady lowers her newspaper at the breakfast table and turns to her balding, bespectacled husband. "You know what, Denis? I'm thinking of taking on Ted for the party leadership."
"More trouble than it's worth, Sweetcakes, best drop it."
"You're probably right. Tell you what, why don't we just buy that little corner shop up the road and make a go of it? It would make Dad happy ..."
Ah well, one can but dream.
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